Whether you're managing a toddler's playdate or supporting an older child's socialization, staying at a playdate can feel awkward. Here's why it's happening and how to handle these tricky situations with ease.
How did we get here?
In the toddler years, our children often can’t be trusted to play independently and out of sight. Asking a parent (who might also be a stranger) to watch your child can feel uncomfortable. If you have a toddler, that’s probably why you’re being forced into a playdate. For those with older children, you might be in this situation because you’re bringing your kid on a playdate that’s far from your home, in which case it doesn’t make sense to drop and go. Or, you might have a child who has a really hard time separating from you, and in an effort to encourage their socializing, you’re taking one for the team.
What do I do now?
For lack of a better phrase…you’re stuck. Now that you’re also on this playdate, what do you do and how do you make it painless? First of all, you’re there. So it’s time to stop planning your escape route. Now is the time to find some common ground. If you’re in their home, you can start by asking questions about their family - including siblings (if there are any) and cousins. You might ask what their plans are for the summer - what camp(s) are the kids doing? Any plans to travel? Favorite local activities? If it feels like you’re interviewing them or perhaps these feelings resemble a first date…you’re not wrong.
Should I be involved in the playdate?
You want to stay an arms length away and give the kids enough space to be creative and engage in play without you hovering. Obviously you need to consider safety - for example, if a playdate involves something that requires adult supervision, you’re going to want to be there (for example, swimming, biking, navigating an amusement park).
Here are a few reminders for you AND your child when it comes to playdates:
- Consider what time the playdate is happening. Make it at a time when your tank is full so you can be patient and relax. Also important for the younger crowd, as you’ll likely want to work around naps.
- When possible, consider a neutral meeting place for a playdate. Playgrounds are great as there aren’t toys to fight over and it’s less pressure (you don’t need to clean up your house) and often less awkward.
- Keep things short and sweet. Playdates can be exhausting for both of you! Instead of inviting a kid (and their parent) over for an indefinite amount of time, be clear with your expectations. It’s okay to say “Let’s have the kids play from 10am-11:30. I will serve lunch and then we’ll wrap up for nap time.” This allows for both of you to have good expectations and allows you both to leave wanting more.
- After the playdate, reflect. What worked for both of you? How did it go? What could have gone better? Remember that many of the skills involved in socializing and developing friendships are advanced and won’t happen overnight.
Is being on a playdate with your toddler how you wanted to spend your Saturday? Maybe not, but just as you’re hoping your child is open to new friends and experiences, this is a good opportunity for you to practice the same thing. Even if it’s not ideal, you’ve got a chance to support your child’s socializing and potentially meet another parent who you can connect with.