What’s getting in the way of your play?

Why does playing together sometimes feel so awkward? Beginning in infancy, playing with our babies can feel foreign, strange, forced, or just plain boring. How can we make the most of these moments and not lose our minds?

It seems like it may be obvious, but for some reason we just can’t get our minds to accept that play is hard work. That it stimulates brain activity and discovery, that it makes children better problem solvers, negotiators, inventors, mathematicians, friends and students. But it is all true. Even in animals, play was shown to stimulate growth in the cerebral cortex, an area in the brain linked to memory, problem-solving, and learning. In rats!

But why does playing together sometimes feel so awkward? Beginning in infancy, playing with our babies can feel foreign, strange, forced, or just plain boring (it may be hard to admit, but most parents agree). We’ve forgotten how to be in the moment, how to suspend our own disbelief, how to relax and go with the flow.

What else interferes with play? Misconceptions about how important it is. Maybe you feel guilt or pressure that you and your child need to be doing something, learning something, making the most of your time together. This can be harmful if it interferes with you taking the time to prioritize play.

So where to begin?

1. Let your child set the agenda. If your baby or toddler wants to play with the same toy (or object, or game) over and over again, that is ok. If your older child wants to play the same board game, or look at Pokemon cards, follow their lead and let them explore their own interests. Children learn best when they are motivated by their own natural curiosity, and engaged in a psychological state of flow.

2. Stop being self-conscious and tap into the fun. We can all feel awkward at times while engaged in play. Try getting on the floor, forgetting about your own ego, and trying to channel your own inner child. Remember that nothing is “silly” or childish to your child - and that joining them in their play can have a long-lasting impact on your relationship.

3. Put away your distractions and set a timer instead. Being on our phones can make us less responsive, less engaged, and more distracted. Instead of aiming for hours of play, focus on short periods of greater connection by putting away the phone and using a timer for 20-30 minutes of uninterrupted time. Doing this 2-3 times per week will help you to manage play time within your busy routine.

Overwhelmed by toys? We see you. Research shows that less toys is actually better for development. Learn more here.