Establishing a family motto is a great way to help your child understand and internalize the values that your family stands for and prioritizes.
Hard work? Honesty? Kindness? Punctuality? Generosity? What values matter most to you as a family? Since the answer can’t be “all of them,” the exercise of establishing a family motto is a great way to help your child understand and internalize the values that your family stands for and prioritizes. Here’s how to do it.
- Make a commitment to raising a child with strong moral character. Prioritize this decision for your family, and think of values as an essential part of your role (hint: many of us feel this way, but don’t give our attention and focus to supporting this development). Explicitly talk about moral character - what type of family you want to be - regularly and often. For example, “In this family, we care about other people because it matters to us that others are well cared for” or, “This family always tells the truth, even if it is hard.”
- Take the time to identify your values and talk about them as a family. Do a value-setting exercise (try one from Michelle Borba’s book Building Moral Intelligence for help if you need it) and determine the values that matter most to you, your co-parent, and your children (depending on age). Focus on 2-3 maximum (so you can fit them in a mission statement). Announce this decision/share ideas about values in a family meeting.
- Hold a family meeting to discuss your family values. Start by asking your children, “What do you think we stand for in this family?” or, “What is most important to us in this family?” Their answers may surprise you, and will definitely help you to gain insight into what messages you’ve been promoting. For example, if they say “good grades,” you may have been hitting academic achievement too hard, or “being good” may suggest that you’ve been focused exclusively on behavior. Use this feedback to help and reset your priorities, or share with your children what your thinking is about what really matters (for example, “Grades can be important to look at, but what we really care about is that you give it your best. If you try your hardest and the grades aren’t perfect, that is OK with us, and that’s what really matters.”)
- Be an example of living with strong moral values. As with everything we will ever talk about, you are your child’s most powerful example and teacher. EVERY time. What you do means far more than what you say. Think about how you embody the values you’ve chosen (are you honest, kind, hard-working, trustworthy, generous, etc.). Try to embody your mission statement every day, and talk about your own commitment to morals and character.