Encourage your teen's intrinsic motivation by fostering autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Support goal setting, self-compassion, and growth through challenges.
"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to success is more important than any other one thing." — Abraham Lincoln
Key Concepts:
● Supporting our children in developing intrinsic motivation to engage in meaningful activities is an important role as parents, especially of tweens and teens.
● According to Self Determination Theory, by encouraging intrinsic motivation in our children we support them in their three fundamental psychological needs of autonomy (feeling of having choice and control over one's actions), competence (the feeling of being effective and capable in one's endeavors) and relatedness (the feeling of being connected to and cared for by others).
● Intrinsic motivation often goes hand in hand with a growth mindset.
● Struggling with intrinsic motivation is very common among tweens and teens. You may think your child is lazy, but there are actually many developmentally appropriate reasons that teens lack intrinsic motivation. These include brain development - specifically weak skills around planning, understanding long term consequences and outcomes - academic pressures, limited independence, hormones, and a lack of control.
What to Do:
● Give yourself AND your adolescent some empathy. This isn’t easy for either of you.
● Discuss the problem together. By laying out your concerns, you can open the door to planning solutions together. This can’t come just from you, but has to be a process that is done together.
● Find the activities and passions your child is intrinsically motivated to do. Finding these and supporting them grows the muscles we want our adolescents to grow stronger. The meaning they get from the activities they love will help to fuel them through the ones that are hard.
● Encourage goal setting. Help your child break tasks that seem unmanageable into smaller, more manageable pieces and to see the big picture.
● Teach time management skills. Executive function skills around planning, prioritizing, and time management are a critical component to learn in these years. Help your child to find strategies to manage and organize their time and attention in order to accomplish goals.
● Find ways for them to exert autonomy and choice. Let them gain ownership and control over the aspects in their lives that are appropriate.
● Listen. Make room for the possibility that your child’s lack of motivation signals anxiety about the path they are on.
● Focus on effort and progress, not just outcomes. Praise your child's effort, perseverance, and progress, rather than solely focusing on grades or achievements.
● Model a growth mindset. Talk about your own challenges and how you overcome them through effort and perseverance. Celebrate mistakes as learning opportunities.
● Teach your child self-compassion. Encourage them to be kind to themselves, especially when they face setbacks or make mistakes. Promote other aspects of self-care, like sleep, exercise, a healthy diet, and social connections.