Teen friendships are vital for mental health and future success. Learn how to support your child’s connections, navigate challenges, and foster open dialogue.
“The main thing I have learned from listening to teenagers since the late ’80s is that they are starving for deep, intimate connections with other people.” Dr. Niobe Way professor of developmental psychology at NYU
Key Concepts:
- At a time when we are all concerned with, and learning more about, tween and teen mental health, we know that friendships MATTER and are PROTECTIVE.
- Strong friendships in teen years predicted academic success, better mental health, and rewarding romantic relationships in young adulthood.
- Friendship drama is an expected and normal part of adolescent development. That doesn’t make it easy, but it should reassure you about the highs and lows.
- Research shows that children whose parents talk openly about friendships, have healthier ones.
What to Try:
- Be curious about friendships. Ask your children about why they spend time with certain friends (including those online) and how those friends make them feel. Be open to hearing about the passion and connection they feel with their friends.
- Avoid interrogation. Back off from your own desperation when it comes to your child’s friendships. Make sure you are easy to talk to and your kids will be more likely to talk!
- Make peace with your own feelings. Pause and check in with your own experiences. Remind yourself that this isn’t about you and get perspective on this moment.
- Validate feelings. Let your child know that they are heard. “That sounds hard.” Then pause so your child can let it land. Avoid telling them what they SHOULD be feeling.
- Stay calm. If you want your child to keep talking to you, practice being a good listener. A good listener wants to understand, not respond. Try asking, “Do you want a suggestion or do you just want me to listen?”
- Tread lightly and don’t rescue. Before you jump in, ask your child if they have any ideas about what to do next. Show confidence that you believe in your child’s ability to manage these situations.
- No labeling. Resist referring to the other child as “mean” or “bad.” Though you may be right about some negative influences on your child, it won’t help to insult or disparage another friend.
- Give it time. Riding the roller coaster of friendships is part of adolescence. Be patient with yourself and your child as you navigate these tricky waters.