Toilet learning for toddlers

Toilet learning is a unique journey for every child. Explore different approaches and tips to make the process smooth, stress-free, and empowering for both parents and toddlers.

Toilet learning starts with body awareness. Toddlers should be free to understand and explore their bodies without shame.
The pressure is real, but the timeline isn’t. There is a huge variety in when and how various cultures teach toilet learning. Research suggests that how you get there isn’t nearly as important as whether or not power struggles, stress and family conflict erupt because of the process.
There are many methods for toilet learning. Research has shown that there is very little difference in terms of effectiveness between them. Some take more time, some are more targeted, but they all have to do with who you are as caregivers, and what type of temperament your child has.
Some general signs that your toddler is “ready” to start:
- Follows simple instructions
- Stays dry for at least two hours, or through naps
- Understands body part and potty related words
- Recognizes signs indicating the need to pee or poop
- Communicates need to use the potty with words or gestures
- Expresses curiosity about bathroom activities, using the toilet
- Feels discomfort with soiled diapers

Preparing

Start by letting your toddler observe you, and any other family members or peers, use the bathroom. Let them see what the process is like, from the actual toilet use, to wiping, flushing and washing your hands. Taking away the mystery can reduce fear and anxiety.
Notice and comment on when your toddler is using the bathroom in diapers “I see you squatting, so I’m going to let you have privacy while you push out poop in the corner.” Build using the toilet into your schedule to ensure your child tries often and to reduce arguments (before you leave the house, before bath, and after meals).
Fit your approach to your individual child.
Make sure your toddler has easy to remove clothing, and comfortable underwear. Underwear can be in a print or pattern that they pick out to help build excitement and enthusiasm.
Make sure your toddler is not constipated, and talk to their healthcare provider if they are. Issues around constipation can make it MUCH harder for a child to learn to use the toilet, and can cause unnecessary and painful struggles

In-the-moment

Avoid using words like "gross" or "stinky". Research has found that avoiding saying these words speeds up toilet learning because it reduces children's feelings of shame.
Welcome accidents as opportunities to learn. Handle them calmly, without discussion and simply say, “next time we will try and get the pee/poop in the potty.”
Avoid showing disappointment. Your child is in charge of their bodies, and what comes out of them. Knowing that you are disappointed in them, angry or stressed, can all create more anxiety around this process and create problems outside of the bathroom.

Afterwards

Take a break when things aren’t going well. Putting toilet learning on hold is a necessary step when power struggles or conflict have arisen. There is no shame in walking away, returning to diapers, and revisiting when things are more conducive.

Approach 1: The Child Oriented Approach

What to Know:

How to Do It:

Between 18-24 months, let your child sit on the potty and explore it. Acknowledge and praise their interest. For example:
- “Wow! Look at you sitting on the potty! That’s where you go to the bathroom.”
Wait for your child to show real interest in the potty, THEN provide them with opportunities to sit on the potty (no clothes on) multiple times a day. Keep it fun and light!
When your child poops in their diaper, put the poop into the potty and flush it down.
When you can, let your child go without a diaper at home (short spurts, to start). Provide opportunities for them to try the potty. Don’t forget to praise when they initiate sitting there on their own!

Approach 2: Fast and Targeted Approach

What to Know:

How to Do It:

Clear your schedule! You need at least 3 days (in a row) at your house. If you want to use a reward, decide on what it’s going to be.
Put your child in underwear and discuss how they’re going to use the potty. Up their liquids so they can practice using the potty often.
Watch them closely. Bring them to the potty when they seem like they need to go. Plan a potty trip every 2 hours. *Avoid forcing your child to sit on the potty if they don’t want to.
Keep the praise up! And praise immediately. Praise includes if they say they need the potty and don’t have an accident AND if they have an accident but finish on the potty afterwards.

Approach 3: The Behavior Shaping Approach

What to Know:

How to Do It:

Make a plan for toilet training that works for your family
Praise and reward your child’s success along the way with something small (try a sticker) When you see your child is consistently achieving success with one step (for example, your child tells you they need to pee or poop) for at least 5 days in a row, move on to the next step. Don’t forget to praise! For example, “You told me when you had to pee! That was awesome. Let’s go try on the potty now.”
Continue this process until your child has successfully completed all steps! Steps might include 1) telling you when they need to go, 2) walking to the bathroom, 3) sitting on the potty to try, 4) actually peeing or pooping in the potty