Sharing is a learned skill. Young toddlers aren't ready to fully grasp it, but taking turns is a great first step. Here’s how to foster sharing through play.
“The miracle is this: The more we share, the more we have.” — Leonard Nimoy
Key Concepts
- Young toddlers are not at a developmental stage yet where they understand sharing. For now, your toddler is appropriately egocentric, and their needs and desires come ahead of everything else around them.
- Try to avoid rushing to judge them as mean or selfish. They are focused on growing and building their own understanding, not conscious of what others need or want.
- Try to avoid letting the social pressures of playdates or other parents' observations allow you to feel like you are doing something wrong.
- Theory of mind develops sometime around the 4th year of life, and continues to improve as children grow. Your toddler needs to understand themselves before they can understand someone else, and be developmentally ready to share.
- Taking turns is a wonderful precursor to sharing. It offers a concrete structure, has a clear end point, allows for their feelings to be recognized, and you can supervise it.
What to Try
- Play games that are made for turns. Explicitly state whose turn it is and what you do while you’re waiting.
- Use a timer or other reminder to facilitate turns. Timers that your child can see, like the hourglass, allow for them to regulate their expectations and behavior most effectively. Put loveys or other favorites in your room and out of reach, and don’t ask your child to share them.
- Give them specific praise right away when they take turns successfully.