Toddler tantrums

Temper tantrums are a natural part of toddler development. Learn how to navigate these emotional moments and help your child build self-regulation skills.

Temper tantrums are common in children ages 1-4. Toddlers are pushing boundaries, testing their skills, and craving independence. At the same time, they don’t have the communication or cognitive skills to self regulate when they feel frustrated.
Tantrums are developmentally appropriate because your child’s prefrontal cortex, responsible for executive function and emotion regulation, is just beginning to develop. That means their limbic system is running the show.
An important distinction is between temper tantrums and sensory meltdowns. While they look very similar, they are different. A temper tantrum is related to a want or need while a sensory meltdown is usually a reaction to a situation (noisy, lights may be too bright). If your child falls apart for no apparent reason, this is likely a sensory meltdown. Your child needs to borrow your calm during a tantrum. This type of co-regulation can help to build neural connections and self- regulation skills.

Whenever possible, give your child a choice between 2 acceptable items or activities. This can help them feel in control and reduce power struggles.
Plan ahead and stick to routines. This will help your child to predict what comes next, and regulate their environment and behavior more successfully
Notice any attempt your child makes to handle themselves calmly when they are upset. Offer specific praise in those moments, and talk to your child about what skills they are using.
Pay attention to your child's triggers, such as being hot, tired, hungry or overstimulated. Make choices based on how you predict your child will respond.
Avoid reasoning or rationalizing during a tantrum. Save discussions for a time when everyone is calm. Start by stating what you observed and giving your child an opportunity to help plan for the next time.