Is your toddler hitting? You're not alone. Learn how to respond calmly and guide your child toward better behavior as their communication skills grow.
Are you seeing hitting at home with your toddler? We hear you and you’re not alone. Toddlerhood is a challenging time (for many reasons!), but what’s particularly challenging is that our children lack the communication skills and regulation skills. And thus…enter the hits (or the bites, or the kicks, or the throws).
First question I get asked all the time. Does this get better? Is this NORMAL?
YES and YES. Remember, at this age your child definitely has poor impulse control. Your child isn’t trying to hurt you, but rather they’re acting in the fastest way possible (thanks, Lizard Brain!) to express themselves. They aren’t rationally thinking through how to express their frustration. All this being said, I promise it will get easier with time. Research has found that as toddler’s communication skills improve, their behaviors will improve too.
Ok, so let’s say that you’ve just seen your child hit. What now?
- Stay calm.
If your child is hitting, that’s a sure sign that they aren’t using their thinking brain. They are still learning tools for self-regulation. Each time we move through these steps (keep reading below!), we are arming our child with self-regulation tools. Believe it or not, eventually our child will be able to regulate on their own. - Recognize the feeling and replace the behavior.
This might look like: “I know you’re frustrated that your brother knocked down your tower!” From here, you can replace the behavior. Next time your brother comes over when you’re building, you can say “help! And Mommy will help you.” This is a good opportunity to say “In our house, we don’t hit. That hurts.” - Separate (if necessary) and provide support.
Let’s be honest, sometimes we need to pick our child up and remove them from a situation. Identify what helps your child gain their calm back – is it their favorite song? A cuddle from their stuffie? A big squeezy hug from Mom? Here is where it’s important that you keep your calm (so important we said it twice!). While you might be inclined to respond to your child’s aggressive behavior with anger, remember - this is simply a result of poor impulse control. - Time to move on!
One of the best ways to do this is by distraction. Over here, we’re big fans of getting outside! Some fresh air, a good song, a favorite book - every child is different. Regardless, it’s time to move on from the behavior.