"There is no such thing as a perfect parent, so just be a real one." Parenting isn't about perfection—it's about presence, self-care, and flexibility. Let go of guilt and embrace the small, meaningful moments.
“There is no such thing as a perfect parent so just be a real one.” - Sue Atkins
Key Concepts:
- Parenting Stress - when the demands of parenting feel like they are too high, and that you don ’t have the resources to meet them.
- Research tells us that today’s parents believe that perfection is possible. Hint: it’s not!
- And this mentality isn’t healthy.
- Increased pressure to parent in a certain way leads to stress, guilt, and loneliness (32% of the parenting population feels this way). Plus, parenting under stress can impact our relationship with children, making us less aware, less sensitive, and less responsive to our children.
- Our children need to feel seen for who they are, loved unconditionally, and safe. This secure attachment relationship is built over the small moments, not by being the perfect parent or trying to get it right every time.
- Quality time is more important than the quantity of time you spend with your child.
What to Try:
- Focus on quality, not quantity. Give yourself permission to stay at work 15 minutes elonger and then be fully present for 15 minutes when you’re home.
- Ask for help. It actually takes a village. Seek out what you need and be as clear as possible when doing so.
- Turn off what isn’t helping. What is the most triggering when it comes to Mom Guilt? Is it after a long scroll on Instagram? Is it when you’re traveling for work and miss a school function?
- Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s the opposite actually. Doing what makes you whole (therapy, exercise, time with friends) you have more reserves in the tank. Parenting isn't the entirety of your life, and that's important to remember.
- Keep your routines strong, as those help everyone regulate. Control the parts that you can and recognize that you have to let the other things go.
- Stay flexible and maintain a growth mindset. As your child grows, you will continue to learn how to parent the child in front of you. This is a marathon, not a sprint.
- Lose it and forgive yourself. You’re only human. When you lose your patience, give yourself grace to understand, reflect, and learn.
- Get comfortable with apologizing when you need to. For example, “I’m sorry I yelled at you. I was angry and I didn’t have time to act the way I wish I had. Next time I am going to try to use a calmer voice.”