Temperament & Goodness of Fit for Toddlers

“A work of art is the unique result of a unique temperament.” - Oscar Wilde

Key Concepts:

Temperament is an individual’s style of responding to people, events, and other environmental stimuli.
Temperament frames how we interpret situations.
Goodness of fit refers to how compatible an individual’s temperament is to the environment and demands placed on them.
Goodness of fit does not mean that a parent and child have to have the same temperament.
How the caregiver/parent interprets, responds and reflects on the child’s and their behavior is what determines goodness of fit.

What to Do:

Notice patterns about how your child responds in most situations. Begin to understand what their general disposition or approach is to new people, change, new situations or challenges.
Take a moment to understand your own temperament and the expectations that you have for your child. What makes you nervous, uncomfortable or excited? What are your quirks that you can’t shake? Do this for your co-parent or caregiver as well. These small aspects of temperament are more noticeable than you may imagine.
Create a stable routine that honors your child’s temperament. Think about the impact of classes, visitors, noise, mess, etc. and try to find a daily routine that feels good. This doesn’t mean that you become rigid, but instead allows you more flexibility long term.
Balance limits and sensitivity around your child’s behavior. As we talked about in our session on parenting style, your child needs a moving balance of demandingness and understanding. Being sensitive to their reactions does not mean that you have no limits, but instead that you create those limits realistically and lovingly.
Label emotions. Having a strong emotional vocabulary can help children to verbalize their feelings, understand the thoughts and feelings of others, and recognize patterns in behavior. Start labeling feelings throughout the day, for example, “I think all this noise is frustrating you. Let’s turn this off and see if you feel better.” Or, “I know you’re tired and it feels hard to go home.”
Be patient. Helping your child to navigate the world with their particular temperament isn’t achieved overnight. Though aspects of their temperament may not change, there is plenty of opportunity to develop tools to understand and find goodness of fit in many environments.