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Talking to family members with complex dynamics about Estate Planning

We understand not all family dynamics are easy, loving, and caring. For those family members that cause you a little more trouble, we’ve compiled a few tips and tricks to handle discussing estate planning with them. 

Choose the right setting 


When dealing with family dynamics that are less than ideal, the setting is crucial. Ensure you choose a calm and private environment where discussions can take place without added stress. 

  • "Let’s find a quiet space to talk. I want our conversation about estate planning to be as stress-free as possible." 
  • "How about we grab a coffee and discuss this somewhere neutral?" 

Start small 

For complex relationships, it's often best to start with smaller aspects of estate planning. Begin with topics that are less emotionally charged to ease into more complex issues. 

  • "Estate planning involves many aspects. How about we tackle them one at a time, starting with the basics?" 

Highlight benefits for loved ones  

Emphasizing how estate planning benefits loved ones can shift the focus from personal dynamics to shared concerns for family welfare. 

  • "Putting our differences aside, let’s focus on what’s best for our family. That’s what estate planning is all about." 

Share your own planning experience  

Sharing personal experiences with estate planning can make the conversation more relatable and less confrontational. 

  • "Let me share my perspective on estate planning. It might shed some light on why I think it’s important for both of us." 

Listen actively  

In challenging discussions, active listening is key. Create an environment where both parties feel heard and understood. 

  • "I want to understand your perspective. Can you share your thoughts on how we should approach estate planning together?" 

Use hypothetical scenarios and explore different options  

Engaging in hypothetical scenarios allows for objective discussions, exploring various options without directly confronting personal issues. 

  • “What if this happened, what would be the best way to handle the situation?” 
  • Involve a mediator if necessary  

In the event that you have a tough time navigating through the conversation, consider involving a neutral third-party to help you reach positive conclusions.  

Think of these options as guidelines to get inspired from when tailoring your specific estate planning conversation needs.  

Written by our partner Good Trust