Strengthen your bond with your teen through quality time, open communication, and shared rituals. Foster resilience, self-esteem, and lasting connections.
“Teenagers are a work in progress, but so are parents.” – Barbara Coloroso
Key concepts:
- Your relationship with your child remains the most important protective factor they have in withstanding the pressures and trials of adolescence and coming out resilient.
- Research shows time and time again that the benefits of strong family connections extend into every aspect of well-being - from academic performance, to reduced teenage pregnancy, cigarette, alcohol and substance use, increased prosocial activities like extracurriculars and social networks, higher levels of self-esteem, increased self-confidence, and greater levels of empathy.
- Research shows that children who feel cared for are more likely to care for others - including their peer groups, community, and themselves. Knowing you are loved increases your capacity to love others, and to seek out healthy and reciprocal relationships in the future.
- Relationships feel harder as our kids age. Our ability to withstand the chaos that they bring us, shows them that we love them unconditionally, that we see them for who they are and love them anyway.
- For their family, tweens and teens can be themselves. They can be a mess, they can be loved for whatever they are in that moment, and without pressure to change. This acceptance is not only freeing for adolescents, but essential for them to find themselves in their journey for identity and belonging.
- Your relationship with your child is built in the small and consistent moments every day. It is something built over and over and over when you show up for them in a moment, support them unconditionally, and show consistency and sensitivity.
What to do:
- Prioritize Quality Time. Studies show that it is the quality of the parent-child interactions that matter, not how many minutes you spend, how many practices you go to, or how much you buy them.
- Family meals and family game nights
- Individual Time: Spend individual time with each child in your home. Schedule time for your child the way you do for others - blocks in schedule - and let them decide the agenda. Studies show that as little as 30 minutes a week is enough to increase your relationship and create meaningful connection.
- Communication: Open communication and a culture of conversation in your home can help to foster connections.
- Encourage Family Traditions and Rituals: like breakfast for dinner, sunday brunch, movie nights, or even volunteering together at thanksgiving. Big or small, having routines helps your child to understand what it means to be a part of the family - creating belonging and connection
- Cultural practices and religious events: Incorporate cultural or religious practices that are meaningful to your family. This can help to connect your child to their ancestors, create ritual and meaning for them in their lives, and has a lot of positive research around self esteem and confidence.
- Show Up When it Matters. Ask your child when and where they need you and make it a priority. That doesn’t mean you need to go to everything, but it means you need to hear from them about what matters the most. Talk about challenges that prevent your attendance (work, other children, etc.) and talk through WHY you can’t be there if it’s true.
- Get to know their friends. By showing up for them with their peers, you can better understand how they are feeling and what connections they have. Getting to know their friends is one way you show that you value and care about them.