If you have more than one child, this statistic will not surprise you. Research shows that 10 minutes of EVERY hour is spent listening to your children argue with each other.
There are several strategies that parents can use to support healthy sibling relationships. Some of these you can start right now, but others are more important as your children age and grow.
1. Allow routine arguing between siblings when you can, and show confidence in your children's ability to work things out (when they can). Try statements like, "I know you can find a way to figure this out," or "You're telling the wrong person, talk to your sibling about how you feel," or before intervening ask, "Do you need a suggestion to help figure this out?" The better your children get at working through their conflicts, the better their relationship with each other will be. If they always need to argue through you, they miss the opportunity to develop a relationship on their own.
2. Encourage skills that prevent conflict. Emphasize proactive social skills like teaching your children language around how to include their sibling in a game, or how to respectfully decline an invitation to play. Research tells us that a preventative approach like this one reduces fighting and promotes kindness.
3. Focus on loving each child uniquely for who they are. This makes each child feel seen in their own right, and loved as they need to be loved. Don’t focus on equality, focus on giving according to the individual need. One of the best mottos to express this is to say,“Everyone in this house gets what they need.” If your child is asking for something because it “isn’t fair,” tell them instead to ask for what they need or want, not in comparison to others. You can evaluate what each individual needs without comparing.
Above all, try to remember. There are LOTS of wonderful advantages to having multiple children - it just doesn’t mean they are always easy to listen to!