Sometimes anger is easy to see - like yelling, throwing things, breaking stuff, or hitting others. Other times, it's harder to spot - like becoming quiet or moody. Anger is often a way to protect ourselves from other emotions we feel underneath, like sadness or embarrassment. Regardless of where it comes from, anger can trigger our body’s automatic fight or flight response. In these instances, anger can feel really big, and even out of control. Anger management for kids involves helping them understand their triggers, finding calming strategies and coping skills, and expressing their feelings in healthy and helpful ways. Here are some helpful steps to get you there:
- Recognize Triggers. The first step in teaching kids to tame their temper is understanding what makes them feel angry in the first place. Parents and caretakers can use this information to help set up kids for success managing their triggers. For example, adults can set timers to give kids advance warning before tough transitions, or they can help kids break down frustrating tasks into smaller, more manageable chunks.
- Validate your child’s emotions. Regardless of their reaction, there’s a valid reason your child is feeling angry. Sometimes anger is mixed with anxiety, overwhelm, or stress. Maybe they’re disappointed or felt something was unfair. Talking through angry feelings can provide emotional release and give kids an opportunity to reflect on where the anger came from and what to do about it. Try to listen non-judgmentally and validate your child’s emotions, asking open-ended questions if helpful. Children’s literature is another great tool for helping kids open up about their feelings.
- Calm with them. It’s 100% normal to also feel frustrated, impatient, or angry when your child is angry. Take a few seconds to let yourself regulate so you can address the situation with a clear head. If your child has a favorite calming strategy, use it with them. Because anger is often a very physical experience, deep breathing, tensing and releasing muscles, and taking a walk may be key in giving their brain and body time to relax. Consider a designated cool down area with access to calming objects and activities such as a stuffed animal, sensory toys, or relaxing music.
These strategies are great for responding to the big moments when they happen, but prevention strategies are best for avoiding challenging behaviors. Once you’ve identified common triggers, you can work on removing those “hot button” situations if possible or take steps to prepare your child for them ahead of time. It can also be highly beneficial to practice calming strategies during moments when your child is not upset. Find time to try techniques like taking deep breaths or using sensory items to see what your child responds best to, and come up with a game plan for how to use those calming tools when a frustrating moment arises.
To learn more about fun strategies to engage a child you are caring for and build emotional regulation, visit our preferred vendor – Mightier.
Article curated by Jessica Ragnio, MSW, LICSW, and Clinical Director at Mightier.