Key Concept:
- Research shows that sleep is a key factor in our children’s readiness to learn and theirability to store information to memory, regulate emotions, stay on task, build resilience,and grow their vocabulary.
- Because elementary age children are also very much growing their social-emotionaland executive functioning capacities, not getting enough sleep during this age canmake them more likely to “externalize” or act out their frustrations, express resistance tothings like going to school or doing chores, have difficulty paying attention andretaining information in class, and struggle to assess and regulate their feelings.
- We have 4 stages of sleep. Very light rest in non-REM 1, getting more relaxed in non-REM 2, our deepest and most restorative sleep in non-REM 3, and big brain dreamingactivity in REM 4. A full cycle of these 4 stages lasts approximately 90 minutes, and your elementary age child will go through about 6 or 7 of these cycles each night.
Sleep Hygiene Basics:
Limiting the amount of light in the bedroom.
Limiting the amount of light in the bedroom by using light-blocking curtains and opting for dim, warm night lights instead of harsh fluorescent or bright overhead ones. Many of youhave heard of melatonin - it’s probably the most widely-known hormone related to sleep.Melatonin plays a key role in modulating our sleep patterns, and its production is directlyconnected to light exposure. When our brains register darkness, they begin to produce melatonin, which then enters the bloodstream and tells our bodies to prepare for rest. Exposure to light during the evening, especially in a previously dark space, tells our brains to stop melatonin production. That can confuse our body’s circadian rhythm, as we’re now preparing to be awake and alert for the daytime, when we should be getting signals that we are tired and ready for some deep slumber.
NOTE: Talk to your child’s pediatrician before starting them on any kind of melatonin regimen. Especially because (1) melatonin is considered a dietary supplement and is not nearly as regulated as we might hope, and (2) because studies of this drug’s effects on children are, like studies of many other medications, limited.
Keeping the bedroom cool.
Because our body temperature drops as we sleep, keeping the bedroom somewherebetween 65 to 72 degrees means that our bodies don’t have to work as hard at cooling usdown at night.
Use the bed for sleeping.
While you may have read them bedtime stories in there when they were younger, your childshouldn’t be reading books, watching tv, using devices, or doing anything else in their bedother than putting their head on the pillow to rest. When they associate their bed as a placeto engage in stimulating activities like reading or processing information on a screen, itbecomes harder for your child to fall asleep in that same space. Which brings us to anotherpopular topic: screen time.
Remove devices like televisions, tablets, and game consoles from your child’s bedroom.
Blue light has blue wavelengths, which are good during the day time because they help“boost our attention, reaction times, and moods”. But exposure to blue light at night stopsmelatonin production, and “has been found to delay sleep initiation” and lead to loweroverall sleep quality.
NOTE: Check in with your child about any homework that requires a computer. Helping them make that a priority for earlier in the afternoon and reminding them that ‘online time’ doesn’t get extended past the cutoff will both help everyone stick to the routine and support their executive functioning skill development. A win-win!
Turn off screens 2 to 3 hours before bedtime.
Stopping screen time well before bed allows their brain to naturally produce melatonin andbegin preparing for sleep. For an 8:30 bedtime, this means giving time reminders startingaround 5pm:
“Okay, you’ve got 30 minutes left with screens today.”
“Think of a good place to pause your game in 20 minutes - that’s when we’re done for the day.”
“10 more minutes before we turn off the phone for the evening.”
If setting limits on screen time will be a big change for your family routine, explain your reasoning:
“Sleep is so, so important for all of us. I know when I don’t get enough sleep, I feel grumpy inthe morning. To make sure we all get enough sleep, we’re going to start turning off the[computer/PS5/tv/phone] a little bit earlier. Tonight, [devices] need to be turned off by 7:45instead of 8. Tomorrow, 7:30. We’ll keep going like that, a little bit at a time, until devices are off by 6:30 every night.”
Action items to help you help your child get consistently healthy and restorative rest:
Routines.
Having a routine is, for both adults and children alike, a great way to regulate stress. Notknowing what is coming next can be a source of anxiety, but the predictability and stabilityof a routine can help us positively regulate our stress responses and return to baseline. Andthat’s not all. As you and your child figure out their sleep cycle’s timing, having consistent bed and wake times makes it far more likely they’ll be waking up in a lighter, non-REM sleep stage, ready to start the day - instead of being woken in the middle of their deepest rest and forced to use the parts of their brain that are still warming up.
Boundaries.
Creating a night-time routine and sticking to it can be so hard. Our children will push ourpatience by asking for “5 more minutes” on the iPad or claiming they “are almost to the endof this chapter and need to finish it!” They will insist that they are “not tired!” and havealready tried falling asleep. They will wander into our living rooms and bedrooms and askfor hugs and cuddles and maybe something warm to drink or a quick story. In everyinstance, we need to draw strength and hold firm.
A boundary isn’t a boundary if it gets crossed, but we also live in the real world. Sometimesit’s important to let our kids stay up past their bedtimes to celebrate holidays, take part infamily traditions, and share in experiences like star-gazing or watching fireworks. It’s whenthose exceptions become more and more frequent that problems arise. We’ve all been there when our child quickly goes from having-a-good-time-staying-up-late to having a mini meltdown because the simply don’t have the capacity to regulate their emotions
Be a United Front.
If you have a co-parent, make sure you are on the same page when it comes to routines and sleep. If the night time routine says no more screens after 7pm, then no more screens after 7pm. If the winding down period does not include reading, then the exciting storieswithin our books can wait until tomorrow. If bedtime is 8:15, then any requests for stories or hugs after then are met with a gentle reminder that it’s time to be dreaming, limited conversation, and quick ushering back into bed. When both caregivers stick with the plan, everyone wins.
Deep Breaths.
As if we haven’t given you enough to think about, here’s one more that might be the most important of all: relax. Research shows that anxiety around not getting enough sleep canbe a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you or your child begins to worry about them not getting sufficient rest every night, it’s more likely that they won’t. Instead of letting all these details about sleep overwhelm you, take comfort in knowing that your child will sleep, that you have a great set of tools to get their sleep cycle consistent, and that you have us to come to with questions or dilemmas.