“Children learn more from what you are than what you teach.” - W.E.B. Dubois. Model self-love and confidence, embrace all emotions, and set realistic goals to nurture your child’s growing self-esteem.
“Children learn more from what you are than what you teach.” - W.E.B. Dubois
Key Concepts:
- Self-esteem is how much you love and appreciate yourself, despite your flaws
- Your child’s self-esteem begins to develop in childhood, but it will continue to evolve through adolescence and young adulthood…it is a LONG journey!
- Self-esteem tends to decline when children enter elementary school, as they become able to distinguish themselves from others. This is especially true when older and more competent peers are nearby!
- Parenting style and attachment (some of your Relationship Basics, here at Cooper) underlie self-esteem - by practicing authoritative parenting and being your child’s secure base, they can focus on growing their confidence and self-esteem
What to Try:
- Consider YOUR self-esteem. Model forgiveness for yourself and practice self-love IN FRONT of your child. Ex: “I’m really proud of how hard I tried making this new recipe. It wasn’t my best, but I can keep improving!”
- Identify your feelings about your child’s abilities. Try to support your child accurately. Ex: “I know you didn’t get first place in the race, but you did better than last time. There is room for improvement, but I hope you feel proud of yourself for how you did today.”
- Encourage ALL feelings and avoid labeling them as positive or negative. Discuss how different feelings feel inside the body and how you can accept them all. Ex: “We all feel disappointed sometimes, and it is easy to get stuck there. But feelings come and feelings go, and it is OK to feel however you want right now.”
- Set achievable goals. Do this by breaking tasks up into pieces. This helps your child manage their own expectations. Ex: This LEGO set has 10 bags. That will take us a really long time, and it isn’t going to be easy. Let’s make sure we know that we can only do 1 bag every night before bed, and that we aren’t going to build it right away. Even though it will take longer, that is how we learn.”