"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts"
Some stress is a normal part of our lives…. things like traffic, financial concerns, and family conflicts. Other stress comes from major changes, such as a new job, moving, or a sudden illness in yourself or a loved ones.
Not all stress is bad. Some stress kicks our butts in gear to get things done. Would you really pay your mortgage if there was no due date?. Stress can stimulate people to make changes or challenge themselves to achieve new goals, such as going back to school to earn more money or change an unhealthy relationship.
Those who consider themselves “caregivers”, tend to always be the "giver," rather than the "taker." We enjoy being needed and doing for others. Unfortunately, sometimes this means we become overloaded to the point of exhaustion. We are unable to say no or insist on making time for ourselves.
Here are a few signs of stress to look out for:
Physical: Headache, gastrointestinal issues, muscle tensions or pain, rashes, fatigue, chest pain or palpitations.
Emotional: Anxiety, depression, irritability, confusion, fear, anger (lashing out), difficulty concentrating.
Behavioral: Withdrawing from others, over/under eating, increased drinking/smoking, drug use, other addictive behaviors, insomnia or excessive sleeping, being careless, watching more TV, avoiding activities we formerly enjoyed, obsessive or compulsive behaviors.
One of the most important things to know about stress is, that it’s not the stressor itself, but it is how we deal with it that makes the difference to our wellbeing.
Charles Swindoll once said, “Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it."
In other words, it is your reactions and attitudes toward stress that determines whether or not the feeling will be beneficial or harmful. Let's consider a stressful situation as an example — traffic. No one likes traffic. A healthy reaction to traffic could be to realize it's a normal part of life and that getting upset will not change the outcome. Another individual may react in the opposite way by becoming very upset. They may swear and scream at other drivers and this behavior could impact their health or other's safety.
Stress cannot always be avoided so the next best thing is to learn how to react to it in a positive way and work on preventative techniques. For example, if you know that traffic is a stress trigger, you can reduce the likelihood by giving yourself more time on the road, plot different routes, or check traffic reports in advance.
Tools to aid in prevention of stress:
Physical: Get regular medical exams, eat healthy balanced meals, keep alcohol use in moderation, monitor other drug usage (including nicotine and caffeine), stretches, exercise, go for walks, practice breathing techniques, take a hot bath.
Emotional/Behavioral: Find good supports in others, make new friends, laugh and play more, manage your time, get a new hobby or interest, enjoy simple pleasures (nature, games, animals), cry or express yourself appropriately, try journaling. Give others complements, even strangers — it will make you feel better! And seek professional support when needed.
Mental/Spiritual: Think positive! Set realistic goals, minimize your personal stress triggers, stop worrying about things you cannot change or have any control over, think about the things that make you happy, daydream. Pray if it works for you or begin a prayer and meditation practice.
Final Thoughts: Care for the Caregiver
No one is perfect and you can only do so much in a day. Be gentle with yourself. Focus on what you are getting done instead of beating yourself up for everything you are “not” doing.
Stop “people pleasing” and doing everything for everyone else. There is no need to feel like you are “drowning” when you can ask other family members or friends to do more. Ask for help when you need to. It may help to have a list of things others can do for you when they ask — such as pick up a medication, make a dinner, walk the dog — and take them up on it!
Finally, make the time to do things for yourself, like those things listed above.
The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearances, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company…a church…a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past, we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.
I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
And so it is with you…. we are in charge of our ATTITUDES.
~ Charles Swindoll
Written by Melissa Plourde, LSW, CDP, CPC