Roommates

When an older person moves to a nursing home chances are he or she will share a room with another resident.

Single rooms are costly and Medicaid does not pay for private accommodations. Nursing homes usually assign rooms according to the availability of beds so your parent is likely to end up rooming with a stranger. The roommate could be someone with physical disabilities and mentally alert or a person with Alzheimer's or other memory disorder.

Before the move, ask if the nursing home has a policy regarding roommates and how roommates are selected and how roommate problems are handled. Most older people aren't used to living with someone who isn't a relative or spouse so it may take awhile for your relative to adjust to sharing a room and bathroom with someone else.

ROOMMATE RELATIONS

Having a roommate can be a very positive experience for your family member. Roommates can help newcomers adjust to nursing home routines and keep them from feeling lonely, isolated, or homesick. A roommate can call for help if the other person falls or becomes ill. Roommates often become close friends. They enjoy eating together, sharing memories, participating in activities and excursions, attending religious services, and gossiping about other residents and staff.

ROOMMATE DIFFICULTIES

However roommates do not always get along. They may have different personalities and habits. Little things like playing the television too loudly (especially at night), rummaging through the other person's possessions, being messy, coughing or snoring, confused speech, and forgetfulness can cause tension between roommates. Residents with difficult roommates often try to make the best of the situation or don't like to complain. Staff may be unaware of roommate problems until the situation becomes especially unpleasant.

If you're concerned about your relative's relationship with a roommate visit more often and observe how the two interact together. Ask the facility's social worker for assistance. He or she can act as a mediator between the two and help them draw up a contract of acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. If you feel that the problems between the two cannot be resolved ask for a room change.

ROOMMATE ETIQUETTE

You can encourage friendly relationships between your relative and a roommate when you visit:

• Introduce yourself to the other older person and greet him or her each time you visit.
• If you bring treats for your family member offer to share them with the roommate.
• Invite the roommate to accompany you and your relative on a walk or wheelchair ride around the grounds.
• Remember holidays and birthdays with cards or small gifts.
• If the other person is ill or asleep talk quietly or move to a lounge area.