Encourage responsibility in your child with clear expectations, autonomy, and a strong parent-child bond. Promote growth, character, and moral development.
“Intelligence is not enough. Intelligence plus character, that is the goal of true education.” - Martin Luther King Jr.
Key Concepts:
- To be responsible means you are accountable for your actions (both good and bad), you are true to your word, and you’re dependable. To be a responsible citizen means you participate, honor commitments, and agree to do your part.
- Responsibility is different from obedience. If your child does what you ask of them, they are obedient. If your child is responsible, they will do the behavior because it needs to be done or because it’s the right thing to do (not because they were asked).
- For a child to display responsibility and moral character, they must have a growth mindset and a strong parent-child relationship.
- Certain parenting behaviors can get in the way of your child’s developing sense of responsibility. Look out for your own fear of your child’s failure, an imbalance between limits and sensitivity, and not having clear expectations for your child.
What to Try:
- Aim to achieve an authoritative parenting style (a balance of limits and sensitivity). This type of parenting helps your child to feel seen and understood for who THEY are, with clear limits and expectations, all of which support responsibility.
- Use “being” and “doing” messages to support your child. A “being” message helps your child to know they are loved and appreciated for who they are. For example “I love how your brain works. Practice “doing” messages to help them feel a sense of power over their actions, like “You’ve got this!”
- Allow your child to learn through their mistakes. This involves tolerating their distress and letting them work through the challenges life throws at them.
- Support autonomy by allowing your child to do for themselves what they are developmentally capable of.
- Develop a family motto statement. Try Michele Borbo’s exercise with your co-parent, which requires you to identify the qualities of character that are most important to you and your family.
- Set clear expectations. Do this by bringing character into your daily discussions. What behaviors support the family motto? What behaviors go against the motto? Be sure to call out the ones that don’t fit and praise the ones that do.