Bedtime struggles are common, but a consistent routine and clear boundaries can help your child transition smoothly. Learn tips to manage sleep disruptions effectively.
“No one has more questions than a child who has been told it is bedtime.” Anonymous
Key Concepts:
- Getting the recommended amount of sleep each night is linked to better attention, behavior, learning, memory, emotional regulation, quality of life, and overall mental and physical health. 3-4 year olds still need 10-13 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period.
- Nightmares most often happen during REM sleep, closer to the early morning hours. Comfort your child and reassure them that they are safe. Avoid conversation about the details of the nightmare which can open up more fears.
- Night terrors are less common and tend to occur during non-REM sleep in the first few hours of the night. Even though your child might seem awake, they are actually in a deep sleep. Avoid waking them, observe and keep them safe, and guide them back to bed.
- The transition away from napping often happens between 3-4 years old. Signs your child may be ready to drop the nap are not falling asleep at nap time and delayed bedtime after taking a nap. During the transition, flexibility is key.
- Bedtime struggles come from a very natural desire for toddlers to feel in control of their surroundings. Consistent limits, a clear routine and a plan for how you want to respond can help.
What to Do:
Tips for managing bedtime struggles:
- Start early! Bedtime resistance can lead to sleep loss. Push up the routine so actual sleep time is not impacted. Get water, test the lights, line up the animals, and do a last call for the kitchen or the potty.
- If your child routinely calls needing a diaper change or actually having to poop, own it ahead of time. Say something like, “I’ll be back to change your diaper when you’re ready.” That way you still have a chance to set a limit.
- Establish that you will see your child “in the morning.” Say something like, “I love you very much and I will see you in the morning.” This can help reinforce a boundary if you do not intend to go back in when they call (which is OK!).
- If you want to go back in, try something like, “I will check on you 2 times and then I will see you in the morning.” Then, instead of going when your child calls, go in when they are calm and quiet and do a quick check. Stretch the time in between the checks and eventually reduce them.
- If you do need to go back in for any reason, consider simply saying “I know it’s hard, I love you, and I will see you in the morning.” Try not to get caught up in any specific demands or drawn out conversations.