As children face peer pressure and risk-taking, it’s crucial to support their emotional growth. By nurturing self-esteem, modeling coping strategies, and maintaining open communication, we guide them through these challenges.
Key Concepts:
As they move from more predictable worlds of lower elementary school with close monitoring by parents and teachers, to larger, more uncertain and less supervised spaces with unfamiliar peers, children will naturally encounter peer pressure and risk- taking.
Because our children are at an age where they are building their social-emotional competence and executive functioning abilities, effectively addressing peer pressure and risk-taking is crucial for their growth.
Risky behaviors, of course, can have significant consequences for physical and mental health. Discussing potential consequences of risky decisions and the importance of responsible choices early and regularly is important.
Both peer pressure and risk taking can have positive and negative impacts on children. Though parents traditionally think of peer influence as negative, many important lessons come from positive peer examples and supported risk-taking.
What to do to support around peer pressure:
- Nurture self-esteem and confidence by affirming your child’s strengths regularly and helping them to see the breadth of their capabilities and gifts.
- Focus on supporting your child emotionally without rushing to fix their feelings. Remain open to listening and supporting them in whatever way they need.
- Teach healthy coping skills, like exercise, journaling, or talking with loved ones.
- Model coping strategies and emotion regulation with peer pressure examples from your own life. Describe how you handled difficult situation and lessons learned.
- Let your child know that it is ok if they feel conflicted or anxious about pressure from their peers, and that they have adults in their lives who are there to help them. Reassure them that you (and others) are there for them as they navigate peer relationships and value conflicts.
- Step back and non-judgmentally observe your child’s behavior. Notice more than you act.
- Engage in curious conversation with your children without an agenda. Resist the urge to lecture and ask open ended questions like, “I’m wondering if…”
- Maintain a balanced perspective and try not to overreact or condemn others. Remember that we need to trust our children to have the ability to manage stress, and not rush to judgment or overreact in every situation.
- Accept that we cannot control every aspect of our children’s environments
What to do to support around risk taking:
- Co-creating a set of values or family rules. Help your children to connect to their moral compass, to their sense of right and wrong, and to the values of your family.
- Communication plan that:
- Is open and nonjudgmental
- Expresses care and affirmation toward the child Practices deep listening
- Stay informed about your child’s peer group. Research shows that getting to know your child’s friends is an important part of helping your child navigate tricky situations. Make relationships and forge connections whenever possible.
- Be a united front with your partner or co-parent. If you've agreed on certain boundaries or strategies, stick to them together and meet concerns as a united front.
- Remember that parents’ anxiety can lead to less favorable outcomes for our children. Take a breath, get yourself regulated, and find support.