Parents Refusing Home Help

As a caregiver, you are able to recognize the signs.

Your father is losing weight because he doesn't want to cook meals for himself. Perhaps, you've noticed your mother wears the same clothes, and her hair hasn't been washed in a few weeks. You call to ask whether Dad has taken his medications that day, but you can't be sure if he has or not. These signs should tell you that your parent or parents need help in order to keep living independently.

A home health aide is suggested by you, but you're facing resistance from your parents. Let's face it—would you want a stranger coming to your home to bathe and dress you? This doesn't have to be an awkward conversation—like in the aforementioned example. In fact, if you start the conversation with your folks before the need arises, you can make a solid plan for your parents they will agree on.

Start the conversation by saying this isn't a concern now, and may never be. Then, ask if they start to need help – would they prefer to move to assisted living, to have a nurse or aide come to the home, or to move into a nursing facility. Educate yourself about home help options and share this knowledge with your loved ones. You should investigate your local area agencies on aging, senior centers, and home care agencies. Research different types, costs and availability of care – be very informed about what choices are most realistic for your parents' needs.

Be sensitive to your parents' needs. They will probably feel threatened by the conversation. Try to discover the root of their fear. Is it a privacy issue? Are they having trouble accepting the fact that their bodies are aging? Are they afraid that one of them will outlive the other? Are they worried about the financial costs?

Look at what tasks your loved ones needs help with. Meal preparation, bathing, dressing, driving, etc. Make a list and sit down with them. Discuss together how the tasks should best be handled. Maybe your loved ones will allow an aide to come in for light housekeeping but aren't ready to be dressed by someone yet.

Include your loved ones on the interviews and schedules. Have a family meeting with all the adult children and other close friends. Sometimes the opinion of peers or clergy person can carry more weight. You could also enlist the help of their doctor. If it's doctor's orders that a home health aide come to the house, they may find that harder to resist.

This is a difficult conversation for children to have with their parents. It is equally as hard for parents to give up their role as parents to their children. Be honest with them. Open the communication lines up by telling him/her how you feel. You are worried about them and love them. This may be a subject for several conversations. Keep the lines of communication open and include the family. With time and understanding, you will come to a resolution that will be acceptable to everyone.

Resource: Care.com