Parent Care – From A Distance

Over the years families often move apart. Adult children find better jobs and move to new cities. Parents head south after retirement.

Family ties become strained because relatives no longer share the same interests or values. When older parents need help, distance can make caregiving a complicated task – filled with phone calls, numerous trips, uncertainties and worries.

• If your relative lives in another state or city, get copies of local phone directories. They will help you locate businesses, organizations, and service providers.
• Schedule regular calls with doctors, nursing home staff, and other care providers to track your relative's health. Have a list of questions and a calendar handy to schedule appointments.
• Keep a notebook or computer file of addresses and phone numbers of service providers, physicians, attorneys, financial planners, insurance agents, church members, friends and neighbors.
• Make a list of your parent's wills, insurance policies, bank accounts and other documents. Update it regularly.
• Be sure that at least one family member has written permission to receive medical and financial information from care providers. Confidentiality laws in some states may limit the amount of information they can share with you.

KEEPING IN TOUCH

• Check in with your parent with short, frequent phone calls. Ask your parent what times are best for you to call. The times that are best for you might not be the times that are best for your relative.
• Suggest purchasing a cell phone for your relative. Program important numbers and teach him or her how to use speed dial. Many older people don't like personal emergency response devices but will accept a cell phone.
• Meet your older relative's friends and neighbors. Leave a card with your name, phone numbers and address and ask them to contact you if they are concerned about your relative's well-being.

EMERGENCY INFORMATION

Have this key information up-to-date and readily accessible at your relative's house. Update it regularly and keep copies for yourself and other relatives.

• Name, address, phone number.
• Emergency contact information for yourself and another responsible inpidual in case you can't be reached.
• Social Security number.
• Birth date.
• Current and past medical conditions.
• Current list of medications (including over-the-counter drugs) and doses.
• Medication allergies.
• Physician's name and telephone number.
• Health insurance information.
• Indicate if the older person is unable to speak, does not speak English or is hard of hearing.

MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR VISITS

You can learn a lot about your parent's condition during a visit. Look for changes in the house or his or her appearance that indicate he or she may need assistance.

• If the older person is normally neat and tidy is there a change in cleanliness?
• Does he or she seem more forgetful?
• Are there piles of unopened mail?
• Is there adequate fresh food in the refrigerator?
• Has your relative lost or gained weight?
• Does he or she have difficulty walking?
• Have friends or relatives noticed any changes?

Consider scheduling an appointment with a geriatric health specialist or a social service provider for advice.

REWARDS OF LONG-DISTANCE CAREGIVING

Looking out for an older relative is often time consuming and sometimes discouraging. It can also be very rewarding. These tips will help will help you take good care of a relative who may live fair away. You'll have the satisfaction of helping to make the best life possible for your family member.