As babies develop object permanence, separations can be tough. Use short, sweet goodbyes and familiar routines to ease the transition and comfort your baby.
“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” — Winnie the Pooh
Key Concepts:
- Around 7 to 9 months, babies develop a strong understanding of object permanence, the idea that objects and people, especially you, continue to exist even though they’re out of sight.
- Object permanence is linked to an uptick in anxious behaviors: nervousness around new people, difficulty with separations, greater distress when you take an object away, and new struggles at bedtime.
- If your baby gets upset when you leave, you’re not doing anything wrong; that’s a sign of a secure attachment and is developmentally appropriate for their age. By being their home base, you’re helping them build the foundation for relationships with other trusted caregivers who watch them while you’re away.
What to Try:
- Once you've acknowledged their feelings, have a distraction ready to manage separations. Do they love petting the dog? Flipping on light switches?
- Keep your goodbye routine short and sweet. It can be heart wrenching to see your baby get upset when you leave, but drawing out a separation often makes it harder. Having a goodbye routine like a special song can help your baby know what to expect, making separations easier in the long run. If you can, try to avoid going back, even if you forgot something.
- When you leave your baby with someone else, it may be helpful to leave them with a piece of clothing that has your scent on it. Research has found that when a baby can smell their caregiver (for example, a T-shirt or blanket), they’re more sociable and open to interacting with other adults.