Parenting with different rules? Here’s how to respect choices, set boundaries, and keep the fun alive while managing the strain of varying parenting styles.
Picture it. You’re on vacation with your favorite friends. You’ve unpacked, gotten yourself and your kiddos settled, and are headed for a 5:30pm dinner to stay on track for bedtime. Enter a chaos filled kitchen. Toys everywhere, adults sitting for a beverage and kids nowhere near dinner time, bath and a 7pm bedtime. Instead? Your friends have dinner reservations for 8pm and say they will “make it up” when it comes to putting their toddler down. PANIC SETS IN.
Yes, hanging with people who make very different choices than you do is HARD. Phones at dinner, rules around candy, bribes or threats, manners and bedtime - there are lots of places where parents disagree. Here are a few ways to ease the strain and find a way to stay friends.
- Respect Differences. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting. You can respect your friends' choices and refrain from passing judgment or offering unsolicited advice. This goes both ways!
- Remember what you love about each other. Focus on the things you share, rather than on differences in parenting styles.
- Set Boundaries. Establish clear boundaries around parenting topics to avoid potential conflicts or misunderstandings. Respect each other's boundaries and refrain from pressuring or criticizing each other's parenting choices. You can put your kids to bed and miss dinner, and they can let their kids stay up late and watch TV. Parenting isn’t a competitive sport.
- Explain inconsistencies to your kids. Try saying, “every family has their own rules” to explain to kids why things don’t always look the same. Though your kids may beg for different rules (or cheetos), you can withstand the pressure and resist the urge to cave on the things that really matter to you.
- Be flexible when you can. You can’t maintain a rigid routine ALL the time. Find ways to be flexible or make exceptions in order to support your friendships with others and partake in some fun. Even if there is a recovery period after a hang, your kids can handle the challenge.
So before you fire all your friends, give flexibility and understanding a try. We believe in you, and we’re here to help.