Lying is a normal part of child development and shows cognitive growth! Foster honesty by modeling it, praising truthfulness, and creating a safe environment where your child feels comfortable sharing.
“Honesty is the best policy.” - Benjamin Franklin
Key Concepts:
- Research has found that most children around age 4 lie, occasionally. Lying is part of normal cognitive development. When they lie, it means a child is able to understand that other people have different thoughts and understandings. Thus, begins the desire to deceive!
- By lying, your toddler is flexing an executive function skill called inhibitory control, which is the ability to go along with a lie and resist the urge to cave. Bravo for advanced self-regulation skills!
- What makes a kid less likely to lie? - If they feel their truth will be well received and if they don’t fear the consequences of harsh discipline. In the long run, having an open dialogue with your child, encourages honesty and helps your child feel more comfortable sharing with you, even as they get older and want more privacy.
- Model honesty and reflect on your own lying. Chances are, your child has already seen you lie plenty of times. Take a moment to reflect on the type of lies you tell, and how you can explain those to your child (for example, lying to a friend about being busy) to offer more context and understanding.
- Point out and praise honesty. “It’s so hard to resist knocking over a block tower. Thank you for being honest and admitting that you did that. She looks upset - what can we do to help her feel better? That's a great idea to offer to help her rebuild it - do you want me to come with you?"
- Honor the wish that motivates the lie. When they cheat at a game, try, “Ugh. I know you wanted to win the game.”
- Avoid asking questions you know the answer to. Instead of, “Did you brush your teeth?” when you know they didn’t, try “Oh! Let’s not forget to brush our teeth this morning.”
- Suggest a solution, and do it together. “I know you didn’t mean to walk out of the store with that fidget. Now that I know we didn’t pay for that, let’s go back together and return what we took."