Development isn't linear. Instead of labeling challenges as "regressions," focus on responding with consistency, sensitivity, and support for your child's growth.
Dr. Kurt Fischer, author of the dynamic systems theory and professor at Harvard, describes development as a web. As children grow and develop new skills, they double back to strengthen and hone what they’ve learned like a spider reinforcing its web. Progression is followed by revisiting, and new learnings require practice and failure to achieve mastery.
This theory supports the idea that development doesn’t follow a straight line. Bursts in growth, skills, novel experiences and exposures, all impact how our children respond - IN REAL TIME - to the world around them. This response, this sensitivity, is the dynamic work of development. It isn’t a forward moving train that gets derailed at certain stops. Instead, this theory supports the idea that getting good at a new skill, or mastering something that is challenging, requires that we make mistakes, stumble and fall, and revisit behaviors we’ve only begun to understand.
What we also know to be true, is that how we respond to our children’s needs matters much more than what we label hard moments. Sometimes, parents cling to the notion of “regression” because it adds some layer of understanding, of simplicity, of explanation for difficulties. Much harder is to accept that there often isn’t one reason, one month, or week, or moment, where a patch can be explained. Instead, sensitive and responsive parenting calls on us to work toward continuous assessment and consistency, to help support our baby or child’s autonomy, allow them to practice what they know, and help them feel seen, heard, and understood. Every. Single. Day. Relying on the crutch of “regression” won’t truly help us, and may even serve to confuse our view at that moment, and to cheat them of their own feelings and experiences.
So, next time you jump to assuming any change or challenge is a “regression,” take a moment to remind yourself that it doesn't really matter. What matters is the baby or child in front of you. The “why” in why they may be choosing that behavior, the “what” in what they need from you at the moment, and the “how” in how you can respond with consistency and sensitivity. Because we can work to establish healthy sleep, respond to tantrums with a consistent mix of limits and love, and provide emotional support through distress no matter what train we are on.