In the Throes of Puberty

● Talking about puberty can be awkward. This is supposed to be hard and you are supposed to mess up. Data shows that making sure your children know they can come to you, that you are open, that you are not scared, is important for your relationship and for your child’s development.

● While we may not always be aware of it, the way we speak to our children and act around these topics communicates a lot about what is and is not “appropriate” to talk about. Our children notice when we quickly shift the subject when puberty comes up. Over time, they learn that this subject and everything associated with it are “not meant to be talked about,” or that bringing it up should make them feel ashamed or humiliated.

● Discussing puberty with your child may look very different today than it did when you were a kid. We now know that puberty is longer than we thought - from 8 to 18 - and that it is happening earlier but not faster. Though the research isn’t clear on why, some theories involve environmental factors and increased stress hormone. However, it is critical to know that puberty happens on a stretchy timeline.

● We will listen more than we talk. Listening will help our kids feel valued, help us answer what they actually want to know, and help us learn about their experience. Listening will also allow our brain some time to come out of the panic and think of what on earth we are going to say when it is our turn to talk.

● We are going to stay calm. We will breathe, we will park our own baggage, we will not become our teenage selves. We won’t lie, we will admit when we don’t know something, and we will pause occasionally to avoid overwhelming our kids and ourselves.

● We will enjoy do-overs. Many, many do-overs. We will forgive ourselves and move on. Dust off and start over. Admit mistakes and try again. This will prove we are human, will help our children to know we are imperfect (this is a very good thing for development, so hooray), and this will sufficiently make us all laugh to lighten the mood.

● Be open and honest about puberty. Start talking to your child about puberty before the physical changes start to happen. This will help them to understand what is happening to their body and why. Be honest about the emotional changes that they may experience as well.

● Listen to your child without judgment. Let your child know that they can come to you with any questions or concerns they have about puberty. Be supportive and understanding, even if you don't agree with everything they have to say.

● Reassure your child that they are normal. Puberty can be a confusing and embarrassing time for kids. Remind them that everyone goes through it at their own pace and that there is no one right way to go through puberty.

● Help your child to develop a positive body image. Puberty can be a time when kids become very self-conscious about their bodies. Help them to develop a positive body image by talking about all the things that their bodies can do, rather than focusing on their appearance.

● Encourage your child to be physically active and eat a healthy diet. This will help them to feel good about themselves and will also support their physical development during puberty.