Help your child develop a positive inner voice by modeling self-talk and curiosity about emotions. Encourage reflection and forgiveness to improve their emotional regulation and memory skills.
“Inviting our thoughts and feelings into awareness allows us to learn from them rather than be driven by them.” - Daniel Siegel
Key Concepts:
- Inner voice: our perception of ourselves and an attempt to see ourselves as others see us. The inner voice helps children regulate their thoughts and behaviors (“I'm bad at puzzles," "I'm shy," "I'm a great helper," "Am I supposed to touch that?").
- Your child’s inner voice is developing now, and that voice will become internalized in the next few years.
- Inner voice is largely based on the ways in which your child has been spoken to thus far. They are turning the strategies and language they’ve heard inward. Ever heard your child say “Hurry up! We’re running late!” while pretend playing with dolls? Chances are, they’re just repeating what you’ve said during a busy morning.
- Research has found that when children say steps out loud (“first I’m going to make a castle, then I’m going to put my doll inside…”) and then internalize that voice, both sequencing and memory are improved.
What to Try:
- Talk about the complexity within all of us. If your child shares that someone was misbehaving, ask “Oh, I wonder what’s going on that’s making them act this way?” This shows curiosity in discovering and understanding the motivation behind behavior. (Avoid labeling people as “nice” or “mean”).
- Model your inner voice by narrating how you talk to yourself. Try, “It’s ok to be nervous for your big meeting. You’ve got this” or “stick with it, Mommy. Just go one step at a time and you’ll get there.”
- Talk about forgiveness and practice this in front of your child. “That woman pushed in front of me in line, but I can forgive her. Maybe she didn’t see me.” Doing this shows that you can move on and that there is always repair.