Getting By With Some Help From Your Friends

Caring for an older person with a memory disorder at home takes a lot of time and energy.

It's especially stressful for working caregivers who juggle jobs and family responsibilities and exhausting for older spouses dealing with their own health problems. If you are looking after the needs of an older family member and often feel overwhelmed by caregiving – you aren't alone. Friends, neighbors and other relatives are often eager to help you in any way they can. With their assistance you'll be able to provide the best possible care for your older relative and take care of yourself too.

A FRIEND IN NEED

Stressed-out caregivers often feel lonely and isolated. A long to-do list leaves a caregiver little time for social events, religious services, health care appointments or even an afternoon nap. It's easy for caregivers – especially older spouses and working men and women – to become physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted by their responsibilities.

Signs of caregiver overload include:

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Exhaustion; sleeplessness

• Difficulty concentrating

• Avoiding social activities

• Denial of their family member's condition

• Weight loss, weight gain

• Health problems

Too much stress eventually takes a toll on your health. You'll be less able to provide good care for your older relative and enjoy spending time with her.

A FRIEND INDEED

Many caregivers have a hard time asking for help. They believe that it's their responsibility to care for their ill spouse and that no one else can attend to their parent's needs as well as they do. It's important to realize that you can't do everything yourself and that there will be times when you could use some assistance. Most people are more than willing to lend a hand. When friends ask you how they can be of assistance, don't hesitate to tell them specifically what they can do for you.

Some ways friends may be helpful:

• Provide transportation to medical appointments.

• Stay with your parent while you take a nap.

• Assist with yard work, snow removal, putting out trashcans, and other chores.

• Take a walk with your parent.

• Help you complete insurance forms or make sense of hospital bills.

• Pick up groceries or medications.

TAKING CARE OF YOU

Taking a break from caregiving is good for you and the person you care for. Build some free time into your day by enrolling your parent in a day care program for a morning or two a week. Ask a relative or close friend to look after him for an hour so you can take a nap or go shopping. Overworked caregivers sometimes find it hard to relax and enjoy their free time.

Make the most of your free time by jotting down a list of things you'd like to do:

• Read or rent a movie.

• Work the daily crossword puzzle.

• Spend time with other people – make a standing coffee date with your best friend, or keep in touch by phone or email.

• Become involved in caregiver support groups.

• Attend religious services.

• Take a walk.

• Go to the mall.

MANAGING CAREGIVER STRESS

The stress and strain of caregiving are never going to go away completely. A strong support network of thoughtful, reliable friends, family, neighbors and others you can depend on will give you a break from your many responsibilities so you'll be able to continue to provide the best possible care to your older spouse or parent. Make the most of the offers of these generous people!