Getting comfortable with discussions around gender and sexuality - both with your child and in everydayconversation - can help to support a child’s emerging sense of self and have a positive influence of mental health.
Key Concepts:
While we don’t always realize it, our tone, energy, and general demeanor tells our children a lot about what things are and are not ‘appropriate’ to discuss. If we are quick to change the subject when the topics of gender or sexuality arise, our kids pick up on this.
Learning and talking about these topics is an ongoing process - some of this may be different than how you were raised. There may be terms that are new to you around gender and sexuality. It’s OK to admit what you don’t know and to make an effort to learn alongside your child.
Getting comfortable with discussions around these topics - both with your child and in everyday conversation - can help to support a child’s emerging sense of self and have a positive influence of mental health.
What to Try:
Ask what they know:
- “I want to talk to you a bit about something called ‘gender.’ Have you heard this word before? What do you know about it?”
- “We just watched a movie where the main character was in a relationship with another woman. Sometimes, women who love women are called lesbians. Have you heard this term before? What do you know about it?”
- “Yesterday, you asked me about an advertisement on the train that mentioned trans men. I know we didn’t talk too much about it, so I want to continue the conversation. Can you tell me what you know about the word ‘trans’? What do you want to know?”
- Keep your tone natural and warm
- Ask them to teach you what they know
Use and ask for pronouns consistently and in view of your child.
- Regular and everyday use can help reduce stigma and ‘awkwardness’
- Ask when meeting new people
- Admit when you make a mistake or are confused
Reflect on how talking about gender and sexuality makes you feel.
- It’s OK to admit our own discomfort and talk about learning together
- Talking about these topics openly reduces shame
- This is different from how we were raised and it can take time to adjust
- Use a script if it helps, or read books or shows together that can help raise these topics for discussion
Start talking about bodies, puberty, and sexuality. These are all topics that are important to discuss with your parents.
Keep the conversations going. This is not a one and done, but an ongoing conversation where your child can come to you as they need to.