“Of all possessions, a friend is the most precious.”- Herodotus
Key Concepts:
- Friendships at this age are still about proximity and convenience.
- Research shows that having friends is a key part of healthy development, and can even set the tone for relationships later in life.
- Positive friendships matter and have been linked to greater academic achievement!
- Getting to know our child’s friends is an important role for us parents. Doing so allows for a better understanding of their friends, plus a window into their world to better support and nurture their friendships.
What to Try:
- Make peace with your own feelings. Pause and check in with your own experiences and remind yourself that this isn’t about you.
- Validate feelings. Let your child know that they are heard. “That sounds hard.” Then pause so your child can let it land.
- Feelings come and feelings go. Make sure your child understands that it is normal to feel a range of feelings, both “good” and “hard.”
- Stay calm. If you want your child to keep talking to you, practice being a good listener. A good listener wants to understand, not respond, and doesn't have a huge reaction.
- Show your child that you can handle what they are telling you.
- Tread lightly. Before you jump in, ask your child if they have any ideas about what to do next. When it’s your turn, offer a suggestion that builds their self-regulation and coping skills (like a strategy for telling someone that their feelings have been hurt or a mantra to help them remember that it was only one bad day).
- Don’t rescue. Show confidence that you believe in your child’s ability to manage these situations.
- No labeling. Resist referring to the other child as “mean” or “bad.” Instead, start with curiosity like, “I wonder what is going on with them.”
- Talk about how friendships feel. Teach about the characteristics of a good friend, including being caring and kind, comfortable to be around, fair, and safe.
- Give it time. It's hard to sit on your hands and watch your child struggle to figure things out.
- Remember this is age appropriate, and that there is no way to spare our children of lessons they need to learn in these early years.
- Ask for help. If you’re really concerned, always reach out to the school for more support.
- Empower your child to do the same.