Encourage a balanced approach to extracurriculars. Support your child's interests, avoid pressure, and focus on their happiness and well-being for long-term growth.
“Parents worry about kids’ boredom, so they schedule their lives to keep them busy…but empty hours teach children how to create their own happiness.” - Dr. Rosenfeld & Nicole Wise
Key Concepts:
- Extracurricular activities are on the rise. Research shows that one major reason why parents spend so much money on their children (and their extracurricular activities) is linked to competitive parenting and fear. This is the idea that “the hill” to climb is getting steeper and steeper.
- Extracurriculars have many benefits, including improved academic performance, positive attitudes, and physical health. When your child participates in an extracurricular, they are building a skill which helps them gain confidence, plus learn cooperation, persistence, problem solving, team building, and self-regulation.
- There is no research to suggest that children who do MORE extracurricular activities get “ahead” of their peers.
- There are a few ways that too many, or the wrong type of extracurricular activities can have detrimental effects on children.
What to Try:
- Love and appreciate your child for who they are, not what they do. Make them feel unconditionally loved and have a “growth mindset” when it comes to parenting.
- Keep yourself in check with your own thinking and judgment. Can you analyze patterns in your own thinking that are influencing decisions for your children? A better understanding of yourself will help you maintain neutrality for your child.
- Leave societal pressure behind and make decisions that align with your child and family.
- Balance what you want for your child and what they love, with who they are, what they need, and how they are doing. This can help you manage your own expectations, too.
- Give your child choice! Let your child choose the activities they do based on their interest. Commit to one session (or season, depending on the activity) and give your child a chance to reevaluate. Keep checking in on how they feel - this will help support their decisions.
- Pay attention to signs of discomfort, pressure, or strain. Read your child’s verbal and non-verbal cues. Is it a power struggle before practice? A stomach ache? Repeated injuries? Make sure you stay available and keep communication up with your child, so they feel safe sharing how they’re feeling.
- Allow quitting (after a trial period). We don’t want to force our children to continue activities that they don’t enjoy. Set a “trial period” and then leave room for reevaluation when that ends.
- Do your part to make extracurriculars more accessible. Ask organizations you frequent if they offer scholarships in the community (based on need or merit) and let them know you’re interested. Or, start your own scholarship fund!