Empathy helps kids thrive in school, relationships, and life. Teach emotional literacy, repair conflicts, and model kindness to nurture this vital skill.
“Empathy has the power to bring together people who would otherwise never meet. It has the power to teach us and to reach us in moments of isolation when we think nobody understands.” — Dr. Vivek Murthy, United States Surgeon General
Key Concepts:
- Empathy is the ability to feel with another human. An essential life skill that is not automatic for children. We need empathy to be both happy and successful in relationships, school, and work.
- Research shows that children who show high levels of empathy show more classroom engagement, high academic achievement, better communication skills and improved prosocial behaviors.
- Empathy is made up of nine competencies identified by Michele Borba, including emotional literacy, moral identity, perspective taking, moral imagination, self-regulation, the ability to practice kindness, collaboration, moral courage, and the ability to be a changemaker.
- Repairing with your tween or teen after a conflict, helps them to learn how to handle disagreements in a peaceful and mature way. This is key to showing young people how to effectively handle discord and appreciate how much we have in common with our fellow human beings.
- Repairing after a conflict models healthy relationships, builds trust, promotes emotional security, communication and encourages growth.
What to Try:
- Practice emotion coaching to help your child learn to cope and regulate.
- Become aware of yours and your child’s emotions. Researchers suggest you check in with your child. Try, “I’ve noticed you’ve been sad lately.”
- Listen to your child’s feelings. Welcome and validate any and all feelings that surface. Can you connect to what your child is feeling through examples in your life?
- Give your child the time and space to calm down. Hold the problem solving and reasoning for when they are calm.
- Once all is calm, have a conversation with your child. “What triggered those emotions? What strategies can you use next time to help you?”.
- Whenever you can, make a repair with your child AFTER a hard day, disagreement, straight up argument or stalemate
- Start by stating your regrets, why you acted the way you did, and your intention to move forward (this isn’t the time to rehash the fight!)
- Offer an apology
- Find a moment of connection (a hug, a laugh, a walk together)
- Reset and move on
- Promote a “serve the world, not save the world” mentality. Some children feel too much empathy for others, which can leave them feeling distressed or numb. Support your child in turning their hopelessness into helpfulness through charitable activities, donations, or finding purpose in some other way.