Creating an environment where toddlers feel safe with clear boundaries helps them grow and learn. Here's how setting limits with love supports their development.
“There's a world of difference between insisting on someone's doing something and establishing an atmosphere in which that person can grow into wanting to do it.” - Fred Rogers
Key Concepts
- Appropriate limit setting provides children with a sense of safety and security through structure. Limits teach children what they can and cannot do.
- Being consistent and clear in limit setting supports a strong caregiver-child relationship. Try to agree with your co-parent or co-caregivers on limits as variation in what behavior is acceptable is confusing at this age.
- Limits should feel like an actionable balance - not too many, but enough to have guard rails. Limit setting is characteristic of authoritative parenting in which you balance limits with warmth and love.
- Toddlers are too young to consistently follow the rules and need lots of reminders but by setting limits, you are helping them develop executive function skills.
What to Try
- When your toddler is upset about not being allowed to do something, acknowledge their feelings and explain why they can’t do it. Then try telling your toddler what TO DO instead of focusing on what not to do (“keep your feet on the ground” instead of “don’t jump”).
- Use clear statements and avoid asking questions. Asking your child if they want to do something implies that they can say NO!
- Give attention and praise to the behavior you want to see more of, and focus less on what you can ignore.
- Help your toddler recognize the natural consequences of their actions (I refused to wear my jacket, and now I'm cold). Research has found that when parents point out natural, logical consequences to their toddlers, it is more effective at improving behavior compared to consequences that don’t flow logically from an action (I didn't pick up my toys, and now I don't get to watch my show).