At ages 4-5, children experience significant growth in motor, social, communication, and cognitive skills. Encourage their development with playful risks, conflict resolution practice, and fostering independence.
Motor Development
By 4 years:
- Can catch a big ball most of the time after it bounces
- Can kick a ball forward and throw overhand
- Can hop and stand on one foot for up to five seconds
- Can serve themselves food Uses scissors
- Draws circles and squares
- May begin to copy some capital letters Pours water (with supervision!)
- Can unbutton a button
- Holds a pencil between their fingers and thumb (not their fist)
By 5 years:
- Can hop and stand on one foot for ten or more seconds
- Somersaults, swings, climbs May start to skip
- Can write a few letters
- Dresses and undresses without help
- Uses a fork, spoon, and maybe a knife
- Handles using the bathroom on their own most of the time
What to Try:
- Support your child in taking risks when they play. Help them recognize what it feels like to be in control compared to when to be more cautious ("Is the rock wiggly under your foot? Try a different one until you find one that feels stable.").
- If they're apprehensive, walk them through step by step how to climb a tree or try the monkey bars.
- Practice balance and coordination with yoga or games like Simon Says.
- Encourage your child to serve themselves at mealtimes and practice using a table knife.
Reminder: You know your child best. If you notice that your child has lost any skills that they once had, or you have other concerns, don’t hesitate to speak with us as well as your child’s healthcare provider.
Social & Communication Development:
By 4 years:
- Pretend play
- Often has difficulty telling the difference between what's "real" versus "fantasy"
- Increased independence
- Comforts others (hugs a crying friend), greater cooperation, and conflict negotiation
- Greater awareness of danger Repeats some song lyrics
- Can tell stories about their day (“I went to grandma’s”)
- Can answer simple questions (“What is a jacket for?”)
- Speaks in 5-6 word sentences with basic grammar rules (for example, uses pronouns like "me" and "you" correctly) Speaks clearly enough that strangers can understand them
- Understands "same" versus "different"
By 5 years:
- More eager to please others and want to be similar to their friends
- More willing to agree to rules Increased independence
- Able to distinguish between fantasy and reality
What to Try:
- Help your child recognize positive behaviors in others. “Wow. Your friend Ella is kind. It was so nice she invited you to play on the playground.”
- Encourage your child to reflect on the motivations behind other people's actions, instead of jumping to "she's mean". You can try talking about characters while reading together or watching a movie. "She took his chocolate bar. Maybe she didn't know that it was his."
- Brainstorm ways the characters could repair. "What could she do to help him feel better?"
- Try to allow your child to practice resolving conflicts with friends without you rescuing them. For example, when they tell you about a problem, instead of telling them what to do, first try asking them if they'd like suggestions for what they can do. If they're open to it, talk through ideas together.
Cognitive Development:
By 4 years:
- Names a few colors
- Tells you what comes next in a story they know
- Can remember parts of a story Draws people with two to four body parts
- Understands how to count and knows a few numbers
- Has a better understanding of time (tomorrow, yesterday, etc.)
- Follows three-part i
By 5 years:
- Can count ten or more things Can name four or more colors
- Stronger understanding of the concept of time
- Knows the uses of everyday things at home (money, appliances, etc.)
What to Try:
- Try to help your child think about a few different ways to solve problems. If they're struggling to open something, start by validating their frustration ("That looks tough!"). Then ask them if they want some suggestions or if they want to keep trying first.
- Talk about time, past, and future events to help your child develop their mental timeline and tell stories.
- "What's one super fun thing you remember doing last summer?"
- "When we get to grandma's, first we're going to ... What do you want to do afterwards?"
- Provide your child with building toys, like blocks or magnatiles. If you play with them, follow their lead.
- As you play, encourage them to test and talk through hypotheses. "What if we put this block on top of this little one? You think it'll fall down? Why do you think so? What can we add to make it stable?"
Sources: American Academy of Pediatrics & CDC