Comparing American parenthood experience to Europe

Does the sound of a tantrum sound any sweeter in French? From mealtimes to daycare, manners to academics, why oh why can’t American parents stop the comparisons?

If you’ve read a parenting piece in the news over the last DECADE, chances are you’ve seen the infamous “Parents in Europe…” phrase used over and over to make American parents feel inferior. Maybe someone gifted you Bringing Up B é b é and you cried BEFORE you even had your baby?

President Theodore Roosevelt once famously said comparison was “the thief of joy.” While some social comparisons can motivate and inspire us, a majority leave us feeling less than, inadequate, and just plain jealous.

And it’s only getting worse.

The rise of social media, an increasing amount of attention on parenting behaviors and influence, and a lack of institutional support for caregivers in this country has increased the noise around comparisons in our daily lives. Whether it’s the maternity leave policy in Scandinavia, the childcare system in France, the varied palette of Italy or Spain, or the academics of England (not to mention Asia), there is a LOT that American parents may have to envy. The data is compelling that children and families in different cultures and countries have some advantages that are real and valid.

But are comparisons a solution? An inspiration? Or one more thing to feel badly about?

Here are a few tips to help quiet the comparisons.

1. Focus on self-awareness. Notice when you are comparing yourself or your circumstance to others and bring your attention to it.

2. Check in with your values and judgment. Does what other people are doing matter to you? Are you acting and living in a way that holds true to you and your family?

3. Start a gratitude practice. A few minutes of gratitude can help to balance feelings of comparison or jealousy. One idea on the top of our list? Americans have the most delivery options for food, goods and services. Convenience reigns supreme AND matters to most parents we know.

4. Stay off social media, chat groups or social situations that provoke these feelings. Quiet the noise around you that feeds negativity and comparison.

5. Practice self-compassion. Set goals for yourself that are realistic, forgive mistakes and missteps, focus on your own journey and the love and support of those around you. Come to your Coop group and feel the support of your village.