Co-regulation helps children manage big emotions by borrowing your calm. It’s a back-and-forth process where both you and your child respond, helping them learn self-soothing and stress management.
“When little people are overwhelmed by big emotions, it’s our job to share our calm, not join their chaos.” - L.R. Knost
Key Concepts:
- Co-Regulation: the process of you helping your child to regulate themselves by borrowing your calm. This is an effective and important tool for you to practice with your child through life!
- Remember, children aren’t born understanding how to soothe themselves. They are constantly learning how to soothe themselves based on repeated acts of being soothed.
- When you soothe your child, you’re helping to reduce their stress hormones, promote their receptive brain, and increase activity to the prefrontal cortex.
- Co-regulation is a back and forth dance - you AND your child are responding to each other, giving and taking information, energy and soothing.
What to Try:
- Co-regulation starts with you regulating yourself. You can’t bring balance if you aren’t balanced. Try taking a 4 count breath - in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4 - before you respond to your dysregulated child.
- Work with your child to figure out what is best for them - offer suggestions like taking a breath, counting to 5, creating a calm cave, listening to soothing music, or exercising (pushups or jumping jacks).
- Turn the soothing needs into problem solving skills - work as a team to figure it out. This promotes your child’s ability to take on challenges!
- Co-regulation is not always verbal. Use touch, eye contact and even your body language to support co-regulation (for example, giving your child a calm look, a hug or just sitting next to them on the couch).