“Behaviorally challenging kids are challenging because they’re lacking the skills to not be challenging.” - Dr. Ross W. Greene
Key Concepts:
- Self-regulation skills take many years to develop! These DO NOT happen overnight!
- At this age, it’s hard for your child to feel, think, organize and respond.
- Remember - impulse driven behavior IS NOT the same as calculated misbehavior
- For your toddler, a power battle feels good! They get you to indulge in their feelings, give them attention, and a reaction.
- Hitting and biting are COMMON and age appropriate - often a response when they cannot access their thinking brains to listen to logic or reasons.
- Time-outs should be reframed as a body break/pause - explain why they’re taking a break. This is not a time to feel remorse or shame!
What to Try:
Four steps to respond to aggressive behaviors:- Recognize and Replace - recognize the feeling that is motivating the hitting. For ex: I know he took your drum.” Replace the hitting with what your child CAN do. For ex: If you want to drum back, you can say it‘s my turn.’”
- Separate and Interrupt Physical Behavior - help your child calm their body, co-regulate by
staying calm, allow for natural consequences. - Distract or Move On - after we spend time replacing the behavior and acknowledging the feelings, help your child move on (use distractions - like going outside).
- Praise Attempts to Regulate - notice your child working to communicate in a different way and praise
Ways to promote self-regulation and wizard brain skills:
- Imaginary play - try acting out what it’s like to be someone else. Introduce real-life toys (broom, toy phone, pots) and let your toddler imitate you.
- Freeze dance - this helps your child practice moving their body and then stopping in place. This is HARD.
- Social skills - this helps them learn to negotiate, resolve conflict, and manage challenges
- Label your toddler’s feelings AND start to notice and name others' feelings