Challenging Behaviors — Part 1 for Toddlers

“If children feel safe, they can take risks, ask questions, make mistakes, learn to trust, share their feelings, and grow.” ~ Alfie Kohn

Challenging behaviors are developmentally appropriate for a toddler. Their self- regulation is weak, impulses are strong, and communication is limited making for a perfect storm for toddler tantrums and misbehavior.
Your toddler’s challenging behaviors are not intentional, and they are not trying to push your buttons. They are just appropriately focused on their own needs and wants.
Your toddler has very few ways to tell you how they feel, which can make life very frustrating for them (and you). It will get easier! As communication skills improve, they get less frustrated in those moments, resulting in fewer and less severe tantrums.
Discipline means to teach. Your toddler wasn’t born understanding how to behave or how to express their emotions in an acceptable way. They need YOU to teach them.

Positive opposites. For every behavior you do NOT like, there is a positive opposite, or
the one that your toddler could do instead. Give your toddler specific instructions for something to do that is acceptable, instead of just telling them what not to do.
Don’t ask questions (unless you really don’t care what the answer is!) as that implies that there is an option to say, “NO!”
Redirection. After you’ve acknowledged your toddler's feelings, you can distract. This can work up until age 2, but isn’t really a strategy for the long term.
Choices. When your toddler has any type of choice, they feel some small sense of control in this HUGE world. Try asking them to decide between no more than 2 simple choices.
Try and take a pause between the upsetting behavior and your reaction. This helps your toddler to calm themselves, and feel safe and secure being upset around you. It’s important for them to know that you can tolerate their distress.