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      Can you stand to watch your child lose?

      From infancy to adulthood, our role as parents is to support our kids through a challenge, not to run interference, cross the street, or avoid them. But watching our children experience failures and challenges is HARD work. Here are 5 tips to help.

      For those of you in my groups, you know I have slowly become a dance mom over the last 3 years. Dance competitions have taught me many things - both silly and poignant - but one thing they are great for? Disappointment. I’m thrilled with an opportunity to support my kids through their disappointments, failures, and risk-taking. It works all the right parenting muscles (thankfully no gym required), and is an opportunity for our relationship together to truly shine.

      At Family First, we talk a LOT about removing the urge to “fix” things for our children of any age. From infancy to adulthood, our role as parents is to support our kids through a challenge, not to run interference, cross the street, or avoid them. One of my favorite children’s books, Going on a Bear Hunt, offers the perfect analogy. When faced with the mud, the grass, the river, or the snowstorm, we have to THROUGH them. When we show our children that they can feel disappointed and survive, we help them to learn how to tolerate this very normal and common feeling. They don’t need to be afraid of it, or to avoid it, but just to learn they can get to the other side.

      Here are a few ways you can handle (and make the most of) disappointment:

      1. Validate the feeling. “That isn’t the way you wanted it to go. That’s hard.”
      2. Normalize the reaction. “We all feel that way sometimes, it’s normal to be disappointed.”
      3. Remind your kids (and yourself) that feelings are temporary. “You won’t feel this way forever, it will pass.”
      4. Express confidence in your child’s ability to handle challenges. “I know you know how to do hard things. You’ve got this.”
      5. Comfort with the power of your relationship. “Do you want a hug or to hang out for a few minutes?”

      Remember that learning to get knocked down and recover is an important part of childhood. We want our children to experience challenges within the loving and supportive environment we’ve created, and to learn to face disappointment while the stakes are low. Protecting them (or shielding) will make them less equipped as they grow, not more prepared. Find the ways (at every age) to lean into your child’s hard moments, and learn to find the joy in helping them grow new skills.