Heading on your first adults-only trip? Facetime may seem like the perfect way to stay connected, but for some kids, it can create more stress than comfort.
You’re going away on your first adults only trip. It’s 1 part heaven, 2 parts anxiety. But you have your phone and you’ll check in on video everyday, right? Weeeelllllllll, depending on your child’s age and temperament, Facetime may NOT be the greatest invention to keep you connected.
Why?
Even though researchers aren’t able to fully understand what a young child is thinking when they are on Facetime, we suspect that having someone you love “there,” but “not there,” is frustrating and confusing for some little ones. Your voice is fantastic, but your scent and touch are missing! They may cry, reach for the phone repeatedly, or just plain ignore you. For some older toddlers, seeing someone they miss can also bring up feelings that they haven’t been experiencing when that person was out of sight - making the call VERY unpleasant for both of you. Were they totally happy and fine UNTIL you called? That’s a sign that your toddler was delightfully immersed in something else and able to have a healthy separation…but may not be ready for frequent disruptions to that routine - or for reminders of your existence. Even older kids may reject the compulsory phone call with you - preferring to stay absorbed in their own activities then to spend hours telling you all about their day. Is it rude or a reflection of their disinterest? Nah, it’s just kids being kids, appropriately focused on themselves and their interests.
So what should I do?
If your kiddos love Facetime, keep it up. Screentime limits do NOT apply to two-way, back-and-forth connections like video chat. BUT, if your child does not enjoy it, it’s time to take the hint.
Maybe you’re better off getting videos from their caregiver throughout the day, or hearing about how your child is doing via text. Try and separate what YOU need from what is most helpful for your child, and don’t take their behavior personally. Knowing they are well cared for and happy without you is a reflection of your healthy attachment - not a sign that they don’t love or miss you. Easier said than done, I know.