Autonomy is key to building confidence and cognitive skills. By supporting your child's independence, you empower them to take ownership of their growth and learning.
“Not I, nor anyone else can travel that road for you. You must travel it by yourself. It is not far. It is within reach. Perhaps you have been on it since you were born, and did not know.” - Walt Whitman
Key Concepts
- Autonomy is a basic human need. It supports intrinsic motivation and executive function skills. Autonomy supportive parenting cultivates stronger social emotional and cognitive functioning.
- What does autonomy supportive parenting look like?
- Providing your child with choice and following their lead. Taking your child’s perspective.
- Scaffolding and encouraging their learning.
- Over control: limiting a child's choices, dictating behavior, taking over tasks when they are challenging, missing cues around preference or interest, critiquing a child's performance.
- Under control: allowing a child too many choices or inappropriate choices (deciding on bedtime), developmentally inappropriate responsibilities, having a child work through upsetting feelings without support.
What to Try
- Offer your toddler choices whenever you can. Limit choices to only 2 options so they are not overwhelmed but can feel in control.
- Help your child see mistakes as learning opportunities and recognize their progress ("Let's try that again. Every time we try, we'll get a little bit closer...You can do the whole puzzle now!").
- Note: Try to avoid being nostalgic when you do this ("my little baby - oh you were so cute"). You don’t want to accidentally make your toddler think that they need to stay small for you because you liked them better then!
- Practice age-appropriate tasks like getting dressed, cleaning, helping with cooking, or using the hamper. Offer suggestions, but don’t take over ("What if you try holding the bowl while you stir?")