Do you cook a meal only to have your child reject it? We hear you! But becoming a short-order cook is NOT a path to peaceful dinners for you or your child. That’s why we are stopping TODAY.
Does this sound familiar? You prepare a meal, present it to your boss/child, and watch in horror as they immediately reject it (without tasting) and demand something else? We see you and after today, you cook ONE meal for your family.
We love pediatric nutritionist Ellyn Satter’s Division of Responsibility in Feeding. At its core, this approach means that as the parent, you determine the emotional and physical environment you provide, and your child decides what they eat. This can start from the very first introduction to solids, and continue all the way through young adulthood.
In this approach, your job as the parent is to take responsibility for 1. the food (what’s offered and how it's presented), 2. the time and place (when and where you offer the food), 3. the environment (comfortable surroundings, proper seating, minimal distractions, and an overall calm, pleasant mood) and 4. tuning into your baby’s hunger and fullness cues. Then you can trust your baby to do their part by controlling whether they eat what you provide and how much they eat.
Practically, this means you make one meal. At each meal, make sure there is at least one win or “safe food” for your child, but after that let it go. Your child can then decide which parts of the meal they eat - without bribery, begging, panic, or argument. Try the statement, “I make one dinner for our family. You can eat the food you like, and leave what you don’t like.” Research shows that allowing your child to serve themselves (or at least point to what they want) also increases the likelihood that they will try a variety of foods and avoid power struggles. And though it feels bad at times, a few half-eaten dinners, or less nutritious meals are OK.
Now, once you’ve committed to this plan, you’re done (as if it was that easy). Your child will eat (if only the one “safe” food), and you’ll save the effort, time and stress of multiple meal preparation. Even when it isn’t fun, holding a limit is an important part of your role and one way to bring peace to the household.