Feeling overwhelmed by life's responsibilities and your child's resistance to help? Start teaching responsibility early with chores—an effective way to build citizenship and accountability in your household.
Take a moment to think about your responsibilities. Are you the “lunch-making” parent? Do you walk the dog? Empty the garbage? Remind all of your friends when it is someone’s birthday? The holiday shopper? The party-planner in the office? The one who checks in on grandma to make sure she is OK? The manager of doctors appointments? These are just some examples of the responsibilities we all take on and manage. Now, think of who assigned those roles to you. Likely, no one. These are yours because you decide to own them. Because they are the right thing to do. Just tasks in the bucket of being a parent, spouse, friend, daughter, citizen, neighbor.
One way to try and promote a sense of responsibility in your house is through chores.
Starting in toddlerhood, chores are a way children learn about citizenship, about contribution to the household, and about taking responsibility where and how you can. Chores are not something you get paid for (sadly as an adult or a child), but instead about work ethic and commitment. Participating in chores can be an important part of family cohesion if framed appropriately, like “One way we show up for each other and support each other is by keeping our house clean.”
To implement chores start by modeling the chores you do - ALL the time. Talk about how you are contributing to the household and why you do things. “I’m cleaning the kitchen so we can make a new mess tomorrow” or, “I’m doing the laundry so you will have clean clothes for your game tomorrow.” Next, have a conversation amongst the family. Who can do what to help? What chores are needed in the house?
A few good examples of chores that can start early: putting your clothes in the hamper, making sure there is water in the pet’s bowl, putting your plate or bowl in the sink, and Sunday Facetime with grandma. As kids age, increasing chores may include packing their school lunch, cleaning out their backpack every day (there are treasures within - or at least garbage), tidying shoe racks or desk drawers, and so on.
Remember to keep your expectations in check (they won’t do things as well as you do because they are CHILDREN), and assign age-appropriate tasks that are within their reach. And as always, praise what’s going well.