Does it feel like your toddler has turned on you? As parents, we deeply feel the obligation to feed our children. And we mean DEEPLY. That’s why mealtime struggles can feel so hard, so personal, and so frustrating.
Why is this happening?
Toddlers are all about independence. In order to figure out who they are, they have to work hard to separate from you. This means the battle for control is ON, especially around meals. As their world gets bigger, their desire for control increases, and each pea and carrot is a new chance to exert their new found opinions. This leads to a “pickiness” that may feel new and hard, but isn’t personal. In fact, research shows that parents are much more likely to describe their children as picky, when in fact their children's habits are perfectly within normal limits. Nutrition is measured over a week, and no one meal (or even one day) is nearly as pressure-filled as parents assume.
Don’t forget cause and effect.
For toddlers, there is a natural curiosity around everything. What noise does a spoon make when I throw it? How does avocado feel when I squish it? What does mommy do when I spit it all out? Cause and effect is learned through experience, and mess.
Why is messy eating a good thing?
Allowing your toddler to make a mess is an important part of development. For one, messy eating promotes sensory play. Exploring textures, temperatures, consistencies and tastes allows your child to get important feedback about the world, and to learn to tolerate new and foreign sensations. This can help to promote a more varied and diverse diet, and help them to be open to trying new foods in the future. Then there are fine motor skills to consider, like the ability to work on hand-eye coordination, the pincer grasp (a precursor to the tripod grasp used for writing), and the small muscles of the hand. This type of self-feeding satisfies the need for independence and helps toddlers to learn to regulate their appetites and stop when they are full.
How will I survive toddler mealtimes?
Decrease the stress. Your toddler will respond to stress and pressure coming from you during meals. Instead, think of making meals fun. Mealtime is a place to connect, to come together, to learn and grow relationships, and to share culture and tradition. It isn’t a place of force feeding, bribing, begging or trickery.
Eat together. Use our favorite 3-in-1 highchair to pull your toddler to the table and make them part of the action…for years to come. Instead of eating on a remote island of the kitchen while everyone else walks around cleaning, sit down and eat together as much as possible. Whether it is crackers and coffee, or a few chicken nuggets (we won’t judge), find a way to share in the ritual of mealtime with your toddler. Even better? Try eating the same meal when you can, and modeling healthy eating habits for your child at the table.
Prepare for the mess. Use easy to clean tableware and a good bib so you won’t panic every time a piece drops or a cup spills. Consider a splat mat for the floor depending on your layout, or even a dog for the leftovers…and try doing mealtime in an easy to wash onesie or even in the nude.
Keep it short. It’s not developmentally appropriate for children this age to be able to sit at the table for long periods of time. Start with 10-15 minutes and work to slowly stretch your toddler to tolerate longer periods of time by adding a few minutes at each meal. The other best way to keep them stimulated? Conversations. Tell stories about the day, ask questions, share the highs and lows of the day together. It will keep them engaged and connected for years to come.
Finally, remember that while mealtime may not be easy for you right now, the road is long and we’re here for you. Research shows that family meals are an important activity for children throughout their tween and teen years - especially because of the connection that happens between families while they break bread.