Achievement pressure is common in today's world, but it can negatively impact kids' well-being. Learn how to support your child by prioritizing their happiness, values, and creating a strong, supportive environment.
Key Concepts:
- Research emphasizes the importance of equipping our children with the skills to handle achievement pressure effectively, as it plays a vital role in their academic and personal development.
- There is nothing wrong with wanting your kids to be successful. Achievement itself is notthe issue; however, the accompanying pressure can be. Achievement becomes toxic whenone's entire sense of self-worth is tied to it.
- Researchers who have looked more broadly at youth today who are being referred to asthe “achievement generation.” The “achievement generation” faces constant pressure toachieve, self-manage, and self-optimize to gain recognition and stand out from thecrowd. This pressure is affecting students from various directions, including parents,teachers, and coaches, peers, and future employers.
- Achievement pressure is not solely about parents prioritizing success over their children'shappiness or living vicariously through them. Instead, the pressure has deeper origins in macro-economic forces; it is a function of the world we live in.
What to Try:
Start with yourself. Parents’ anxiety around children’s achievement can actually make things worse for all. The primary intervention for distressed children is to ensure the well-being of their caregivers.Adult resilience depends on relationships outside the home, and parents need to prioritize their mental health and social support. Seek support from other parents and professionalswhen necessary, as sharing your concerns and seeking guidance can provide a sense ofrelief. Most importantly, remind yourself that your child's happiness and well-being are more important than any specific achievement, and they will thrive best when they feel your love and support, regardless of the outcomes.
Value your child for who they are. First and foremost, remember that every child is unique and develops at their own pace.
To truly value them for who they are, it's essential to offer unwavering support and unconditional love. Encourage their interests and passions, even if they differ from your own. Listen actively when they share their thoughts and feelings, and validate theiremotions. Celebrate their individuality and accomplishments, no matter how small they may seem. Emphasize the importance of kindness and empathy, both towards themselvesand others. Let them know that it's okay to make mistakes and that you're there to guidethem, not judge them. Focus on their effort and progress rather than just end results. It'sessential to avoid comparing your child to others, as it can be counterproductive andstressful for both you and them. By creating a safe and nurturing environment where they feel accepted and cherished for being themselves, you'll foster self-esteem and confidence in your child as they navigate achievement pressure.
Communicate values of caring. It's vital to convey to our children that caring and fairness are just as important as their achievements and happiness. When kids, and even their peers, understand the importanceof these values, it sets a higher standard for their behavior, promoting respect, honesty, andcompassion. By nurturing your children's moral identity and teaching them to balance their own needs with those of others, you're not just shaping their character but also cultivating future community members and responsible citizens who can contribute to a more caring, just, and unified world. Your role in instilling these values can be transformative for themand society as a whole.
Be a United Front. Community-family partnerships can help bolster resilience. Ensuring that children have asupportive environment outside the home, too, will help them build resilience in the face ofsuch extreme pressure. Carefully select and communicate often with your children’s schools,sports teams, friends’ families, and other adults in their lives to ensure that you are all on thesame page. Clearly articulating roles and expectations will help minimize conflictingmessages. Perhaps one of those expectations is understanding that failure and setbacks arevaluable learning experiences. Also encourage open communication with your child abouttheir experiences in all the environments they encounter. Validate their feelings and get help as needed to help them (and yourself) process.
Take Deep Breaths. Instead of letting worries overwhelm you or your child, or contribute to a self-fulfilling prophecy, take comfort in knowing that you can work together to develop strategies for handling these situations. You have a supportive community with us at Cooper who want to be here with you every step of the way! Lean on us for guidance and questions. With patience and open communication, you can help your child make wise choices in the face of peer pressure that align with your family values.